How I Met Your Mother

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Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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The Platinum Rule

Opening credits. Ba ba pa pa! Jingle bells, Marshall's swell, Robin laid a Curt. Ted's a prig, Lily's wig, Barney's 'bout to spuuuu-hurt!

Ted is still messing with his giant hair while Barney is trying to talk him out of going on the date. Ted says that he and the doctor are both mature adults. Well, one of them is, at least. Robin stands up and reveals the hideousness of her outfit. It's last week's Project Runway challenge! Baggy sweater, underwear as outerwear (her crazy bra is fully exposed)...if she's wearing leggings, it's the hat trick! She counter's Ted claim of maturity by saying he has a butterfly Tramp Stamp. Ted promises to back off if the date starts to get weird. Barney says that leads to the third step. He says it right in Robin's face, seductively...

...A title card reads, "Submission." It's a montage. Girl-group music plays. Barney is the last one at the bar as Wendy is putting up chairs. She asks if he minds helping her since Carl is already gone. Barney doesn't mind at all. We cut to the news set two years later where Curt is offering to take Robin out to a hockey game. Cut to a year before (why are these out of order?) as Lily and Marshall have a conversation with their neighbors, who lost their pots and pans in the movie. Lily and Marshall invite them over for dinner. Cut to: Barney and Wendy making out at the bar. I guess this sort of rules out Wendy as Your Mother. Cut to: the hockey game. Robin and Curt bump chests after a score. It's kind of hot. Cut to: Lily, Marshall, and the neighbors all cooking in the kitchen. Cut to: Barney mounting Wendy on top of the bar. Ew! I watch people drinking there! Cut to: Lily and Marshall loving their new neighbors as they all play Charades. Cut to: Robin and Curt kissing, ignoring the hockey game.

The montage is over. Barney has just had sex with Wendy, two years ago. They both emerge from behind the bar. Barney's shirt is unbuttoned. Wendy's is about to fall off. "Wow!" she says. "That was an interesting use of the beverage gun." Dude! I have to watch people get served drinks from that gun! Barney says Club Soda can get anything off. Ha ha. Wendy gets all schmoopy. She says she always thought there was a connection with Barney. Barney, already preparing to leave, asks if he can get a gin and tonic.

At the apartment, Ted says that Barney at least got the drink for free. "I paid for it," Barney says grimly. Ted thinks he might be able to get a discount on his treatments by dating the doctor. Barney says there is an upside. At first. Step four...

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How I Met Your Mother

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