How I Met Your Mother

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: D- | 1 USERS: B-
"I'm Sorry for Wasting Your Time"
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

It's hard for me to even contemplate anything resembling a recap of this episode, because it's so... bizarre (and not in a good way) and jumpy and ridiculous. But it is my duty, so I'll try to suffer through. Just don't blame me if the weecap sucks, considering what I have to work with. Anyway, Saget!Ted tells 2030 kid us: "Kids, in the winter of 2010, we had a new addition to our little group: Zoey." I don't know if she's really in the group yet, but way to spoil the ending, Dad!Ted. He fills us in on her husband, the Captain, who you'll recall is Kyle MacLachlan, the sole redeemer of this sucky episode. Zoey gets out of his car, and Kyle talks to the guys from the back seat, window half-down, hair half-grey, all "Have a wonderful time!" The three guys are freaked out, because they find his wish for them to have a wonderful time to be terrifying. Saget!Ted says they couldn't put their finger on what was so freaking freaky about the guy. Until...

The gang (minus Zoey) is eating Chinese in the apartment when Marshall runs in with a giant headshot of the Captain that he snapped last time he dropped off Zoey. He holds a half-headshot-sized cloaking device up to cover the Captain's eyes and nose and says that the Captain's smiling on the lower half. Then he moves the cloaking device down to cover the mouth and says the Captain's top half wants to murder you. The gang (minus Zoey) screams in fear. Smiley mouth and murdery eyes = totally frightening. And this photo of Kyle MacLachlan is crazy-pants. Unfortunately, I can't find it anywhere online or I would show you. They ask the Captain some questions that he either loves or hates based on Marshall's cloaking device responses. When Robin asks if he likes the Jonas Brothers, Marshall cloaks the left half of his face. No one gets it, so Marshall explains: "He hates that he loves them."

Theme song.

The gang (minus Zoey) are still gathered eating Chinese food, and Ted's getting off the phone. He used the duration of the show's opening number to get invited by Zoey to a Frank Lloyd Wright retrospective. He asks who's in, but Lily's, uh, washing her hair; Marshall's, uh, uh, running the water; Robin's, uh, uh, uh, holding the towel; and Barney's pouting that no one invited him to the big hair-washing party. (You won't get this yet, but he wants to be part of it because he sees Lily as a mermaid, and mermaid means hot, or at least doable. Keep up.) Ted says he guesses it will just be him and Zoey, so Lily tells him to tread lightly and follow the rules that a single guy hanging out with a married woman must follow. Rule Number 1 ... "Don't use the husband's condom. That's just rude," says Barney. But Lily scoffs and shares her Rule Number 1: "Don't go anywhere that has candles." Marshall asks the Captain's headshot how he feels about Ted, Zoey, and candles. MURDERY EYES. Rule Number 2: "No sharing food. In fact, anything involving saliva is off-limits: toothbrushes, thermometers, lipstick." Ted makes a joke about how he shouldn't bother going if he can't share her lipstick, but I'm more hung up on Lily thinking lipstick involves saliva; how's she applying it? The most important rule of all is... Barney: "Lubricant is public property." Lily: "No lying to the spouse about anything you do." Ted doesn't get why they'd have to lie; they're just friends.

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How I Met Your Mother




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