How I Met Your Mother
The Lobster Crawl

Episode Report Card
Angel Cohn: C- | 2 USERS: C+
The Bibbing War

While this wasn't as outright offensive as last week's episode, it was still pretty damn terrible. So much so that if it wasn't my job to watch it, I would have turned it off around the time that Robin started grinding on her coworker and Lily got jealous.

Now that Barney said he's done chasing Robin, she wants him. Bad. Lily says it’s the same problem Robin has with lobster -- that once she found out she was allergic, she went insane and started eating a ton of lobster. So much so that her entire face blew up… and she still kept eating. We didn't get to see her throat closing up, or someone stabbing her with an epi-pen, or the presumed trip to the ER, so I feel cheated. But I did think that Allergic Robin looked a lot like Fat Monica on Friends, which got me thinking about Friends in general and how the last few seasons of that show were pretty terrible too… but I still remember laughing occasionally. And at least there they gave me Paul Rudd. What do I get here? Jason Segel doing absolutely nothing and the random appearance of Joe Manganiello's overexposed abs? I miss laughter and writing down lines that cracked me up, but instead my notes are filled with things that annoyed me. It's depressing.

Anyway, Robin's going crazy for Barney, so she starts doing things like giggling and tossing her hair. Her internal voice of reason tries to talk to her and ends up leaving exasperated. I know the feeling, Voice of Reason. We then see quick shots of her doing a variety of stupid things that girls supposedly do to get guys to like them, including acting like a printer is heavy, trying to make him jealous, dressing up like Tomb Raider and dancing slutty with another girl (though Lily gets jealous that Robin's coworker Brandi gets tapped for this job instead of her). And in the process, she ends up getting used as a human shield during laser tag and being the impetus for Barney to try to bang weather girl Brandi at the studio.

But while at the news studio waiting for his weather girl, Barney gets comforted about his recent breakup by Patrice. While she gets very little screentime, she might be the most realistic character on this entire show. She gives him cookies and ends up at his house playing Crazy Eights, when Robin shows up wearing a trench coat and lingerie. So while Barney is acting like a somewhat mature person (albeit one that likes to play Crazy Eights on cards with little puppies), Robin has gone off the deep end and forgotten how to be an actual human responsible for her own actions in her desperate quest to win back Barney. And this is all pointless since we know inevitably that these two get back together. Though admittedly, I'd kind of like to see Patrice and Barney as a couple.

And while Robin is throwing herself at Barney, he's mourning the loss of his tie Cornelius, and busily inventing Bro Bibs (not affiliated with Dude Aprons), which are little bibs that can be used to protect beloved ties. He makes them in every variety conceivable and there's an ongoing joke about Lily thinking it’s a great idea. So maybe it will pop up again in the future? Hard to say at this point.

In Marshall and Lily land, her dad is unavailable to take care of Marvin for a week so a recently unemployed Ted steps up, but he gets to see all of the baby's firsts, like the kid crawling. This turns Lily into an emotional mess. She isn't guilty about ditching her kid to go to the bar downstairs all the time, but instead she's jealous of Ted because he is doing things with Marvin. Like acknowledging his existence more than once a month. And she doesn't have these same feelings, or we haven't seen them, when her dad is taking care of Marvin. Maybe it is just Ted annoyingly calling them to see Marvin crawl, and then saying never mind that gets them?

Eventually, Marshall and Lily's combined jealousy (and obnoxious crying) leads them to fire Ted, and then they agree to meet him at swimming lessons, where they've set up an interview with a headhunter for him… while he's in his swim trunks. They realize that he was going overboard with baby Marvin because his GNB project was completed and he needed something to fill the void. Though they didn't notice how depressed their friend was until it interfered with their own selfish behavior. The whole thing led to the most cloying line: "Marvin and I are lucky that you're our parents." And that made me want my own Bro Bib so I can keep my jammies spotless if I puke during future episodes.

How I Met Your Mother




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