How I Met Your Mother

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Bros Before Shows

The Year 1776, Philadelphia. We see George Washington and Benjamin Franklin arguing about how Franklin "Calleth dibs on that wench." Apparently, he was codpiece-blocked. Franklin believes there should be a set of rules governing how Bros comport themselves among other Bros. This is awesome. Washington asks who should do it: he has to go to "Me, D.C." and pose for the one-dollar bill. Franklin says he has a kite to go fly or something. Barney, or rather, Barnabus Stinson, who is dressed like Samuel Adams on the beer bottle, tells them he'll draft the document. He's hanging out with two wenches, one of whom has tall Bride of Frankenstein hair. Barnabus says he'll write the Bro Code on the back of the Constitution, to save paper. Washington declares that Barnabus will write the Bro Code. Cheers from everyone. Barnabus tells them he'll include the provision about the Devil's Threeway. "Seconded!" Washington and Franklin both say. Then they give each other an awkward look. Oops!

Back In the office, Barney asks why Marshall thinks he feels so bad. "Because you slept with Robin!" Marshall says. Barney says no, that part was awesome. He feels bad because the Bro Code clearly states, "No sex with your Bro's ex." He wants Marshall to find a loophole. He'll be paid by a "Toy factory in Pyongyang," Barney says. Marshall thinks this is just a way to avoid a confrontation with Ted. Barney says that if he wanted a psych evaluation, he'd get the guy who hypnotizes his staff before a deposition. He dismisses Marshall from the office.

We cut to Lily's classroom, where an old-timey farmer has brought a goat. Don't they usually take the kids to the farm animals? Lily is making a cold medicine excuse for the farmer showing up with alcohol on his breath. He's plastered. One of the kids asks if they'll ever see Missy the Goat again. Nope. Because the farmer is planning on dropping the goat off at the butcher right after this. He goes into graphic detail on what happens next, traumatizing the kids. And Lily. One of the kids begs Lily not to let them kill Missy. Cut to a montage of Lily trying to get the goat into a cab as the farmer counts his money. This is how the farm industry really works.

At the apartment, Lily is trying to explain to Ted why she came home with a goat. She called animal rescue, but they won't pick up the goat until Monday. Ted asks where Missy will sleep, eat and go to the bathroom. Missy bleats and poops on the floor, answering that last bit. Lily offers to put her on the room. Ted doesn't think this is going to work out. SagetTed interrupts to say, as foreboding music plays, that what Missy did in that bathroom was so foul, that -- he stops himself to say that he's getting ahead of himself and he'll tell that bit later. Er... thanks? I wonder if SagetTed's kids ever storm out of the room in frustration. Back in the living room, the goat is gone, but Ted is still there. How the Hell did Lily get the goat up the fire escape? Robin walks in. She asks what's up with the goat turd. "How did you know it was a goat turd?" Ted asks. She says it was either goat or musk ox, and a musk ox being there would be ridiculous. Marshall walks in. Ted is going to tell him about the goat, but Marshall shouts, "Attorney-client privilege, I can't talk about it!" Marshall notices a goat turd on the floor. Ted asks how everyone can spot a goat turd. Robin corners Marshall in the kitchen and has figured out that he knows what's up between her and Barney. He nervously avoids her gaze as his shaking hand is turning the soft drink he's holding into a time bomb. Ted calls for Robin. Robin warns Marshall that Ted will never find out because nobody's saying anything. She also warns him not to open the drink until she's out of the splash zone. As Marshall is opening his drink, we cut immediately to the next scene.

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How I Met Your Mother

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