How I Met Your Mother

Episode Report Card
Angel Cohn: C | Grade It Now!
We're Puzzled

Marshall is missing his dad, so he heads home to the cemetery to have some private time and watch the football game… and regale him with tales of his idiot friends. Throughout the course of the day, he gets annoyed with the fact that his brothers are there, too, interrupting his tales of New Year's Eve in New York. And then his visit is also crashed by random funeral goers who want to partake in his graveside tailgate party. He finally realizes (after forcing us all to listen to moronic talk about New Year's) that his father was a generous sort and would have appreciated the crowd of strangers gathering to enjoy sports.

The reason that Marshall is in a touchy feely mood is that on New Year's, he and Lily decided to get the baby's room ready. But a book called "Enigmas of the Mystical" put a damper on the whole thing, as Marshall believes in urban legends of all kinds and Lily doesn't buy it. She's particularly cynical after calling her father to finally tell him about the baby and getting a lackluster response. He was, after all, in the middle of a board game convention. He probably had to buy that booth space… minutes in advance. But even though Lily's dad might not have said it, he eventually shows how thrilled he is about the baby by driving all night to turn up on her Long Island doorstep with a giant teddy bear. Touching… for those people out there who didn't fall asleep during the tedious and pointless storyline about the Bigfoots of the world.

Robin is planning on spending New Year's on the couch with Kevin, but after slutty Tina dumps equally slutty Sandy Rivers on national television, Robin's called in to work. He has a full-on meltdown about his breakup, pees on camera, disappears to go back to Tina, proposes a threesome with Robin, returns to host the special and then ends up drunk in Ted's bathroom. All of this means that Robin has to jump back in front of the camera…. which is what nice guy Kevin wanted all along (and helped her get by not revealing Sandy's final location). That and to make a sex tape.

And then there is Puzzles. It's the infamous bar that Ted and Barney longed to open. After getting repeatedly turned down to enter MacLaren's for a reasonable fee, they decide to open their own cheap bar in Ted's apartment. It's got a velvet rope to Ted's boudoir where Barney can take the VIP guests, and an area in the living room where Ted can discuss literary topics. It also has a smuttier version of the Cheers theme and a logo that bears a strong resemblance to that iconic brand. Plus, Kevin is the bartender. Things start to get rowdy and the boys have to hire Doug to come be their bouncer, even though that eats up most of their profit. Finally, after Puzzles' prices are hiked up too high, everyone leaves. Except for Sandy… who is in the bathroom awaiting a prostitute (seemingly of the male variety) to mount him.

I remember a time when this show used to be laugh-out-loud funny. Now it is scattered and just there. The only chuckle I had was when Ted got shot in the arm with a dart. Do I just want him to suffer? Yes. A lot, if possible. Why didn't these supposed best friends spend their NYE together? Why didn't Ted and Barney have a better plan for the night? How did Robin get in and out of Times Square so quickly, and catch cabs/drive so easily? Will I ever laugh at anything on this show in 2012? So many questions.

How I Met Your Mother




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