How I Met Your Mother

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: B+ | Grade It Now!
Marshall Versus the Machines

Ted tells the bus driver boring architecture stories, since no one else on the bus has been willing to listen. Bus driver slams on the brakes. Robin wonders if Barney giving her a ride is his way of apologizing for this morning. He says he never apologizes, and also -- why would he? Flashback: Robin tries to have an actual conversation about how difficult her life's been as he uses her as a decoy while he scopes out Sad Face. When she talks about work, he's like, "That's just distracting. Say 'carrots and peas.' " In the car, Barney's surprised to hear Robin actually had something to talk about. She says this city is starting to reject her, what with the woman almost getting her killed and Maury stealing her cab. She says maybe she should stop trying. Barney says he had no idea, but Robin says it's her fault for thinking he might care. He tries to get her to talk now, but she tells Ranjit to stop the car, and leaves Barney with a "carrots and peas." Marshall's country song is getting slower as he's also running slower. This verse is all about him losing to machines. Flashback to him losing to cable boxes and a stapler. He huffs and puffs right past Barney's car. Barney jumps out and runs after him. Ted's talking to himself on the bus, while everyone else is on the other side. Saget!Ted says he had a realization that if you can't spot the crazy person on the bus, it's you. He gets out, and runs.

They all meet up, halfway there, at Seventh and Fourteenth. Ted tries to tell them to forget the race, since this is a sign, but they all run off in their own directions. Maury Povich walks out of the building, walking a fluffy white dog. Subway. Lily dives on again, and Maury once again calls her an idiot. One car over, though, some guy seems to be hitting on Robin. Turns out he sees the giant picture of Becky with tiny Robin in the corner. Robin tears it down and reveals the picture of her and Don under it. A bell dings! As she cries and doesn't give a damn. On a pedicab, Barney tells his cyclist to go faster, because he needs this win. Flash to Barney talking about doubling his salary, sleeping with a hot girl, getting more muscular, and -- oh, by the way -- he smells incredible. Saget!Ted says Barney actually didn't need a win. And he did smell incredible. Barney switches with the pedicab cyclist, who's too slow.

Impatient, Lily jumps off the subway and runs to the next car over, where she finds Robin crying. Robin tells her she's done with this city, and wants to move somewhere new and start over. Lily tells her she's had a rough year, but she's tough, and Lily loves her, so if she leaves, she'll have to follow her. And Marshall will follow her. And Ted will follow him. On the plus side, she says, they might lose Barney. That would only be a plus if the show gets to stay with Barney. They hug, but the indecipherable conductor talks. Lily pretends not to know what he said, then points out Maury on the other car, and runs out just as the doors close. She yells through the doors that Robin's screwed because this train just turned into an express. She swears she'll be a great friend at the finish line. Lily says "So long, sucker!" and then the door opens and Robin gets out. Lily's all, "Oops." Then she calls and asks someone for help.

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How I Met Your Mother




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