How I Met Your Mother

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: C+ | 1 USERS: D
YOU GRADE IT
Unleash the Kraken

Ted tells Lily and Marshall that it's clear Barney and Robin are killing each other. He tries to convince them that they need to break up, but even his, "It must be tough to have two Alpha-Dogs in one relationship" argument doesn't shake them. Poor, sweet, delusional Marshall says, "We have two Alpha-Dogs in our relationship." Without missing a beat, Lily deadpans, "Sure we do, sweetie." Ted declares that Robin and Barney are playing relationship chicken. Marshall cracks that Barney ate the chicken. Ugh. But Lily says they're just going through a rough patch. "What's the nice word for selfish?" Marshall offers, "Independent." Lily will take that. Marshall then starts telling Ted a story about "friends" of his, but it turns out to be the plot to one of Barney's pornos. In the end, Lily insists they should just leave the couple alone.

But then Marshall asks Barney (who is eating ribs) if he and Robin are happy, Barney dances all the way around the question, but never quite answers it. We flash back to fatsuit Barney and age make-up Robin flipping a coin to decide between having pizza or sex, and Barney manipulating it so pizza wins. Marshall runs to Ted's apartment. "We have to break them up."

Marshall says the duo is miserable together but too stubborn to break up. The only way to fix things is to "Unleash the Kraken." Saget!Ted reminds us that earlier that year, he learned that Lily had broken up seven of his past relationships. At MacLaren's, Lily talks like a detective straight out of a film noir fest, and insists that she's "outta the game." Marshall tries to talk up her mad break-up skillz, but Lily swears, "I've gone legit. I'm a matchmaker now." Ted immediately begs for a fix up. Lily gasps that she's only just starting out. Heh. No matter how much the guys beg, Lily says that she's learned her lesson -- these things must run their course. The guys leave Lily at the bar, and over at the booth, Ted insists to Marshall that they can do it on their own. He reminds Marshall of how badly Robin freaked out when she thought Ted put an engagement ring in her champagne. Ted figures that if Robin thinks, even for a second, that Barney is contemplating marriage, she'll run away. Marshall thinks that's crazy and suggests they find a hot woman to hit on Barney, but then the camera pans to him, and who would hit on Barney in a fatsuit? Fatsuit Barney wipes his hands on his shirt, because fat people aren't only fat, they're dirty and rude? Blergh. The engagement ring plan wins.

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How I Met Your Mother

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