How I Met Your Mother

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: N/A | 1 USERS: B-
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The Captain and Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville

They're all stuffed in a cab on their way to the museum, when Marshall marvels about what their college selves would do to them if they saw them like this. Ted: "They'd pelt us with their Phish bootlegs." Marshall agrees they were pretty anti-establishment and recalls a time they mocked their friend Russell (while eating sandwiches, of course) for wearing a suit. Then they found out he was headed to his mom's funeral. Robin wishes she'd known them back then, because you can't kick a story in the nuts. (On a related note, I wish I knew the writers of this scene, because I can't kick my TV in the nuts.) Lily tells Robin they're still those people and Marshall's going to quit his job someday and go to work for the NRDC and start saving the world. "Right, baby?" Marshall: "Absotively!" Then he reminds her he's not the same as in college, since he wears a suit to work every day. She thinks he wears it ironically -- "like Ted's fanny pack." Ted: "Next time we go to Great Adventure, you're carrying your own sunblock."

At the museum, Lily tells a tale of sneaking under the rope to get into her favorite room at the museum while said room was closed for cleaning. Barney thinks that's cool, but one-ups her by saying he knocked down the blue whale when he was a kid. They all laugh at how ridiculous that is, since the blue whale is totally giant (common in blue whales) and hanging from the ceiling (less common). Barney says his Uncle Jerry brought him and told him not to touch anything, which is like telling him now not to look at a nearby partygoer's "perky and impossibly asymmetrical knockers." So, naturally, he goes on, he snapped the rib off a triceratops and knocked down the whale. Barney says he got kicked out, and is surprised security didn't stop him on the way in. Robin's sure they don't remember 30 years back, when "that completely made-up story didn't happen." Barney protests, and adds that the people here don't forget, since this is not the Natural Things That Happened Five Minutes Ago Museum. (It would be like a museum version of Twitter!)

Barney and Marshall's boss Arthur joins them and introduces them to a friend of his from Exeter. It's Kyle MacLachlan in a captain's suit; his name is George Van Smoot, but Van Smoot tells them they "can and should call me 'The Captain.'" Barney nods approvingly as he repeats it, and Marshall says it in the form of a question. Possibly the best scripted moment of the episode. Arthur explains they met in a production of Guys and Dolls in college. The Captain played Nathan Detroit to Arthur's assistant stage manager. He tells The Captain that Barney and Marshall are the future of GNB. The Captain unironically bids them "Ahoy." Barney unironically replies in kind. So does Marshall, but it's ironic, and finished with a "The Captain." Arthur says The Captain practically paid for all of this shindig, and The Captain tells them to enjoy themselves and eat and drink, "but don't touch anything." He walks away as Barney replies, "Challenge accepted!" [If he takes that as a challenge, shouldn't he be trying his darnedest not to touch anything? - Zach]

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How I Met Your Mother

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