How I Met Your Mother

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A- | 1 USERS: A+
I Won't Grow Up

The School Gym: Lily's all blah blah blah, your dad was tough on you; learn from his mistakes. Marshall's all mistakes? What mistakes. I'll make these losers winners, yet! She gets really angry. Marshall, as I've already noted, maybe it's not such a good idea to piss her off.. She tells Marshall he won't be coaching her team or raising their kids like this, and that tomorrow, he'd better be no less than a "teddy bear stuffed with cotton candy and rainbows, or [she] will silent-treatment [his] ass into the ground." Terrified, Marshall just listens to her. "You'll think the time I found your Internet search history was a freakin' picnic! Are we clear?!" Wasn't Lily the one who could match up "plot" to porn film, just a couple of weeks ago? Marshall tries to introduce the idea that there are different schools of philosophy on child sports, but she yells him down and walks away. Marshall calls after her, "You know what's ironic, is that now..." His voice sudden rises four octaves, and he squeals, "Lily, noooooooooooooooo!" as from off-screen, she hurls a chair at him. And this is a place where I have a hard time remembering it's Alyson (not Lily) who is (was) pregnant, probably because while pregnant, my sister-in-law Sherri once threw a lawn chair at her brother, Keith. Hey, fam! Wassssup?!

A rave in what looks like it could be MacLaren's alley: Barney and Robin are wearing things that light up and blink, and crazy, neon clothing. Barney's hair is hot pink. Robin's got false eyelashes on that would make the most flamboyant drag queen lecture her on the notion of less-is-more. Barney's hunched over worse than ever and is begging Robin to call Ted and give up the contest. She's calling, but she reminds him that it's 4:30 AM, so Ted won't be awake. We cut to Ted who is dressed, and seated at his table, checking the "Up at 4:00" item off his list. The phone rings. Ted says, "Ooh, perfect, 'Take forever to answer the phone'." He does, and at the rave Barney falls to the ground crying that someone gave him aspirin that he doesn't think was aspirin, and we cut to...

School Gym; The Big Game: Marshall apologizes to his team for having been so hard on them, and tells them not to worry about winning today. He's clearly only doing so because Lily is looking on. His voice breaks when he tells them to have fun. Saget!Ted then narrates that every time "Uncle Marshall" has told the story over the years, the opposing team has gotten bigger and bigger. What we see is a group of high schoolish looking players, pitted against Marshall's wee kindergarten team. We watch as Marshall cheers on all their bad moves; we watch as his soul dies. Occasionally, he'll slip in a criticism, like, "Addison, it's not soccer; you don't kick the ball." Then Lily gives him her resolved look, and he adds, "Unless you think that's... fun. In which case... great job... having fun." Each time he has to play along with Lily's game, he loses another spark of light. We leave him getting a load of crap from a teenaged ref, who didn't like his (calm, subdued) tone.

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How I Met Your Mother




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