How I Met Your Mother

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Hello. I Love You. Won't You Tell Me Your Name?

There's a quick cut to Barney's where Lily is saying, "You love her? Barney, how can you be in love, and still sleeping with anything that moves?"

Barney's confused and compares Lily's question to saying, "How can an ant carry twenty times its body weight, but root beer floats are still delicious? Are the two even related, really?" Lily punches him. I punch the laugh track. I never liked the darned things, but I've been spoiled by The Office.

Lily tells Barney he's going to have to stop being such a hound if he wants to be Robin's boyfriend. Barney objects to the very idea of being a boyfriend. When Lily asks him what he does want, Barney doesn't know. He leans his upper body on his kitchen counter, extends his legs backwards balancing his lower body only on the toes of his shoes, and moves his left leg back and forth. You've got to see it, yourself. His posture makes the scene. "I just want to be with her. All the time. I want to hear about her day. I want to tell her about mine. I want to hold her hand and smell her hair. Pfffft. But I don't want to be her stupid boyfriend." Lily, who looked enchanted as Barney told her about his feelings for Robin, explains he not only wants to be Robin's boyfriend, he wants to be her clingy boyfriend. Barney shifts his tone and flat out asks Lily if she's going to help him or not.

Lily says, "I'm a kindergarten teacher. I see a confused little kid in the corner, trying to eat the lefty scissors? I gotta help the poor little bastard." The scissors, really? New York kids are tough. 'Round here, kids just ate paste. I never did, but it was tempting. It smelled sort of minty. Of course, you don't get paste at school, anymore. Your parents have to buy you glue sticks and don't get me started on how much I spent on school supplies for three kids, this year. I'm trying to repress the angry letter I want to send to the local middle school. I like to save my moaning for something important, like the time I tried (and failed) to save recess for the third and fourth graders. Don't get me started on that, either. Anyhow, Lily agrees to help Barney, but only if he agrees to stop sleeping around. He does, and they shake on it.

At Metro News 1, Robin's teasing another terrifying story. "Is your local ice cream man driving a roving meth labs, on wheels? Stay tuned for the full... scoop. Really?" Poor Robin. She needs a new job.

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How I Met Your Mother

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