How I Met Your Mother

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Hello. I Love You. Won't You Tell Me Your Name?

Marshall takes his clue-stick to Ted. "Dude, you don't know anything about the woman you're marrying." When Marshall asks the color of Stella's eyes, Ted bluffs that they're the color of the ocean after a storm. Marshall presses for specifics. "Which is?" to which Ted can only reply, "Beautiful." Marshall and I squint at him, because it's pretty freaking pathetic that he's marrying someone he might not be able to describe to a police sketch artist.

Back at Barney's, Lily tells Barney she figured he needed her to un-cuff him from his sex swing. Again. Look, Lily. You're Willow and he's Doogie. I can pretend you're not, except, for some reason, when it's the two of you alone together. So? I don't want to know about his sex play and your lack of discomfort in freaking rescuing him from it. She's not listening to me, I can tell. She's too excited that he's in love with Robin and thinks it's sweet, but Barney's disgusted with himself. "It's not sweet. It's like a disease. I slept with Robin one time and I caught feelings. I caught feelings bad. I used protection and everything." Lily laughs as she tries to explain the reality of feelings to him, and that they're good. Barney disagrees. He thinks they're terrible. He's not eating. He's not sleeping. He sees Robin every time he closes his eyes or hears a song. In the background, a pretty little blonde wrapped only in a towel leaves his bedroom and enters the bathroom (or vice versa) and says good morning to them. Barney says, "I sleep with that chick; I'm thinking about Robin." Lily shakes her head. I warn Doogie to keep it clean, for my sake.

Back at Ted's, Ted admits that he may not know everything about Stella, and then turns the tables on Marshall, accusing him of not liking her. Nothing could be further from the truth. Marshall starts listing off the reasons, but when he mentions that she's a Mets fan, Ted is surprised. And who wouldn't be? I mean, if you have to root for a New York team, and I thank my maker I do not, why pick the Mets? If you're going to go over to the dark side, go all the way over. Like Sars, before him, even Dan Manu roots for the Y*nkees. Marshall reminds Ted that he's only known Stella a couple of months and he's moving awfully fast. He encourages him to slow down. Does anyone, anywhere know a guy Ted's age who is so hell-bent on marriage for its own sake? Usually, my husband is the one asking about this, while I'm thinking it's sweet, but Ted's moving so fast this time, I'm getting whiplash. I don't like it. I like Stella, a lot. Sarah Chalke is beautiful, and great in this role. I was all for her being the mother last season, but now Ted's driving me nuts. "I'll have a whole lifetime to get to know her better. Right now, I know the one thing that I have to -- that I love her.

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How I Met Your Mother

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