How I Met Your Mother

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Hello. I Love You. Won't You Tell Me Your Name?

In the year 2030, Saget!Ted is still trying to bore his teenage children to death. "Kids, here's something I wish my dad had told me: the longest pause you will ever experience in your life is the one that follows this question..."

In the present, Ted asks Stella, "Will you marry me?"

Saget!Ted informs us via voice-over that your brain goes into overdrive imagining all the possible responses, and we see Stella refuse quietly. Next, we see Stella refuse with disgust, then again, with hysterical laughter. Finally she says, "Oh I'm sorry Ted, I can't. Mark Johnson, the quarterback from your high school football team already asked me."

Mark walks up and says, "What's up, Turd?" and I've been reading too much online commentary lately, because I can no longer remember how to spell turd, without the help of a dictionary. Saget continues that if you're lucky, she may answer with the single greatest word in the English language. No, not turd; Saget!Ted means, "Yes." What if you asked her in Welsh -- not that the Welsh word for yes is turd. Intertran informs me it's either do or ie, which, given the way Welsh uses the alphabet for completely different sounds than English, could be pronounced turd for all I know.

Stella and Ted spent the summer happily engaged. Even though Ted has a perfectly fine bedroom in this shared apartment, we see them making out on the couch. Considerate. Marshall watches them make out on the couch. Marshall asks them, "What are you doing?" Lily devoted the summer to painting. Marshall watches her paint. Marshall asks her, "What are you doing?" Barney spent the summer in physical therapy, recovering from the bus accident. Marshall watches his rehab. Marshall asks him, "What are you doing?" Marshall starts taping down his eyebrows, and taping up the tip of his nose. Marshall watches himself in the mirror. Marshall asks himself, "What are you doing?" Saget!Ted tells us Marshall just spent the summer coping with unemployment. Gee, ya think?

Meanwhile, Robin continues to hold up the "high journalistic standards" of TWoP, er...that's not right...whatever outfit she works for. At the anchor desk, Robin is all business. "Is you favorite brand of dental floss poisoning your entire family? Tune in at 11 for the shocking... tooth." Oh, Robin. Let's blow this clambake and go down MacLaren's.

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How I Met Your Mother

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