Hostages
2:45 P.M.

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 20 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Dig Your Own Hole
Nina: "Good. I bet they deserve it."
Duncan: "Glad we discussed this. Check out this picture of Soy-Soy having stacked some rocks in a cairn on the beach. I believe she is reincarnated from a Druid."
Nina: "This picture makes me want more leukemia. I am done with chemo."
Duncan: "Oh, it's just leukemia?"
Nina: "I beg your pardon."
Duncan: "No, I just mean why would your leukemia make me feel like killing the President? More than any other person whose wife has it, I mean. Can Quentin Creasy cure leukemia? If so, he should really tell somebody."

TATER

Samantha the Trick catches Tate stealing from petty cash and they flirt about cash money and whatever, the ethics of borrowing money from your own business and your own jump-off, and then she gives him three hundred bucks, which could buy several tickets, depending on what they are tickets for.

POOR PART OF TOWN

Pawn Man: "Need any checks cashed?"
Ellen: "No, I want you to buy my wedding ring for about a million dollars."
Pawn Man: "How about five hundred dollars?"
Ellen: "How about six thou?"

He gets bitchy with her about the cut of her diamond, I think? That's what I choose to believe. "I'm sure that de trop Marquis-cut bullshit was the height of class in 1990, but we don't live in Falcon Crest, bitch. This ain't a hotly contested family winery full of sexy secrets, it's a pawn shop that smells like the urine of a dying alcoholic. Five hundred or get your tacky ass out of here."

BACK AT WORK

...Wait, did she pawn the ring or what? I don't care, why am I asking? Just as Ellen makes it back to her desk, Cher-Cher calls from the parking lot, so that worked out well. He's like, "How's it going, are you doing okay today? Sike, I don't care." Then she has another flashback from looking at a creepy picture of the two them in happier days, before they were abducted by Boba Fett and she put microchips inside of everyone. I mean, you're supposed to think it's happier days, despite the picture looking ghoulish and fake and weird and awful. Maybe they are draculas and we're just now finding out.

Tate: "Welcome home, Mrs. Dracula."
Ellen: "It's good to be home, Mr. Dracula."
Tate: "It's five months ago so we are already starting to drift apart."

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Hostages

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