Hostages
2:45 P.M.

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 20 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Dig Your Own Hole

Samantha: "Oh, this shit is for you? What are you, going on a trip?"
Ellen: "Just give me the fucking envelope, Samantha. I have neither the time nor the unoccupied RAM to deal with you today."
Samantha: "I mean, because I totally looked in there so I know he's going to Montreal..."
Ellen: "You got a nerve, bitch. I better go before I clamp you down."
Samantha: "Can you really not show me any mercy at all? The man I love is leaving the country unannounced -- and with his wife and children no less! -- I think I'm owed an explanation."
Ellen: "God, you are repulsive."

Actually, I feel sorry for Samantha now. She really does seem heartbroken and also guilty when Ellen explains that she's being so mean to her because of that pesky affair she is having with her husband. She really seems to grasp why she is gross. And so, I am on her side now. Stop being gross, yes; but first, understand what is gross about your grossness.

BUS DEPOT

It is five minutes until the bus to Montreal is supposed to leave! I wonder if they will make it. I bet they will. And the next eleven episodes will just be Duncan Carlisle drunkenly complaining about this one time he had some hostages but they got away.

Ellen spots the kids, prematurely breaks down into sobbing relief, and even calls to leave Tate a nice voicemail thanking him for getting murdered so they could get away, just like his dumb plan said would happen. Then Duncan calls her on Tate's phone and video chats her a fun thing where he shoots her husband in the abdomen in their living room. It's like a Vine, but less enjoyable. Listen, if Tate dies we are going to have to discuss how to proceed, I'm saying that right now. We are gonna need to have a discussion.

Duncan: "I'm not sorry, either. You jerks are getting on my nerves."
Tate: "My abdomen!"
Duncan: "You should come home even though this was all the exact plan."
Ellen: "Suddenly I feel weird about abandoning my cheater husband to his doom."
Tate: "I have to admit I also have reconsidered the pros and cons of this plan!"
Ellen: "I forgot!"

Ellen makes a face of anguish! The end!

NEXT WEEK

Tate gets the paddles, nobody goes to Montreal, and guess what? Duncan is not impressed with Ellen for defying his authority, but probably he doesn't actually do anything irrevocable. No I'm not psychic, I just have a feeling that's what is going to go down. He will be all mad at her and get her back on his team, and then she will do something futile, and he will retaliate by doing something that seems really hardcore and evil (killing Angela, killing Tate) and but actually isn't (neither of them are actually dead in any sense). And maybe Beardy will be so hurt from his beating that he will become a junkie again. Or maybe the show will be canceled, that might happen too.

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Hostages

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