2:45 P.M.

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 20 USERS: B
Dig Your Own Hole

...Literally as I was typing the words "that girl," a commercial for NCIS came on. I looked over at the TV and there she was, havin' her pigtails and hackin' her mainframes, at the exact moment I was trying to explain why I find CBS uncomfortable in a general way and using her as the specific example. Isn't that crazy? Maybe she's like the Candyman, and if you imagine dorkiness hard enough, she will appear.

Or maybe it is a conspiracy.


Beardy wakes up and you know he's gonna get the horns from Bossman, but what was he supposed to do? He didn't have a chance with all that Tate comin' at him. One does not simply parry such an attack, we're talking about Tate Donovan here. The real Duncan Carlisle. If Tate comes at you, curl into a ball and protect your sensitives. I don't know what else to tell you. He is going to win.

Everybody drives around in their very zoomy autos and talk on the phone about it.

Duncan: "Girl one, where are Jake and Morgan?"
Sandrine: "I am pinging them on my ping machine, it's fine."
Duncan: "Do you have visual? Clamp it down!"

She runs around clamping it down, and finally finds a fake Morgan and Jake. The guy is Asian and the girl has a great deal of hair. Sandrine locates the bloody GPS chips in a Ziploc in one of their backpacks, so she clamps that down too. Meanwhile Duncan can't find a signal for Tate so he doesn't know how to clamp down on that one. He is losing his whole thing! How can he cure leukemia without those magic beans? Clamp it down, Duncan!

Cher-Cher runs into her car a little bit, and but it's not Ellen that is driving her car, it's Tate Donovan! They pulled a fast one, apparently. Tate tells Duncan to eat a dick, but Duncan is not into that right now.


Ellen: "Where the fuck are those passports? I guess his whore didn't drop them off yet."

Samantha walks in and they are scared of each other: Ellen because she is in a permanent state of emergency and doesn't like being surprised in empty places, and Samantha because -- as they, and we, agree -- Ellen should probably beat her down. But in this case living well is the best revenge. Now that she has the passports and her sweet diamond money, she can buy all the tickets she would ever want, and Duncan will clamp down or not clamp down on stupid Tate Donovan, and everything will be Canadian and great.

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