2:45 P.M.

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 20 USERS: B
Dig Your Own Hole
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!


Ellen Sanders cannot stop fucking with destiny by getting on Duncan Carlisle's nerves every opportunity she can, despite the fact that it always leads to her in tears, running around her house looking for the dead corpses of her family members because of whatever tantrum she decides to throw each week. After getting her best friend murdered (but only after manipulating her into ruining her own life) Ellen took the day off from being a hostage of a conspiracy so she could go visit Soy-Soy at kindergarten, like the total creeper that she is.

Duncan was having an off day due to getting burn noticed, but eventually saved himself with a combination of parkour and Bullet Time and then took hostage the man who took him hostage to force him to take Ellen hostage, so he could continue having her as a hostage without people trying to kill him and testing his parkour abilities. Duncan Carlisle doesn't have a lot of time, due to having so many full-time jobs in this economy -- such as hostage negotiator, hostage un-negotiator, absent parent -- so it's good that at least one thing is off his plate. Good thing he's got enough radness to spread around.

Duncan Carlisle is so rad that he wears a motorcycle helmet indoors. It has flames on it, thus providing both safety and style. The two raddest things. Duncan Carlisle is so rad mainly he just eats Slim Jims. Duncan Carlisle is so rad he is taking me on a zeppelin ride later in the zeppelin that he owns, it has a giant picture of him on the side of it. We are going to buzz the Jacob K. Javitz Center with it, and then get some frozen yogurt. All yogurt becomes frozen yogurt once Duncan Carlisle comes around, because that is how fucking cool he is. Duncan Carlisle likes his fro-yo with TABASCO SAUCE.

Oh, and Tater told his wife that he was cheating on her with the worst person in the world, which makes it easier to sacrifice him for the good of the family when they put his doomed escape plan into effect, which I'm guessing is how Ellen will piss off Duncan this week.


Ellen puts on lipstick for, conservatively I would say, around eleven hours. Tater joins her in the bathroom; he is wearing a heather gray t-shirt and cute PJ pants, while Ellen is already dressed for work in a black sleeveless sheath dress. If you were wondering what they are dressed like in this bathroom right now, there's your answer.

Tate: "Are you ready for our big escape plan?"

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