High School Reunion
Episode 3

Episode Report Card
Wendola: C | Grade It Now!
Naked Oak Park!

The classmates are sitting outside playing cards when Jeff notices something across the patio. What made him look up? Did he catch a glimpse of the Plot Contrivance Elves scurrying about, or what? At any rate, they left two sets of boxing gloves, boxing headgear, and some mouthguards. The guys are very excited and clown around with the gloves and headgear. Dave puts headgear on and lets Sarah sock him in the head repeatedly. Bop! "Oof!" Bop! "Oof!" Bop! "Oof!" I think I would enjoy watching a continuous loop of that clip for about three hours. Ben explains in an interview that some the guys wanted to throw some punches, release some aggression, and act on subconscious gay impulses in a socially acceptable masculine context. Well, he maybe didn't say all of those things. "We've got to find out who's got a grudge against who," says Jason. It should be noted that the first time I watched this, I misheard Jason and thought he said "crush on" instead of "grudge against," and -- well, it still made perfect sense. But it's not a Hall Pass; it's a Kick Ass Pass. Ooh, Ben's going on it with Dave! Ben and Daaaaaavve.

Ben says that he couldn't stand Dave in high school. "If I'd met him in a dark alley, I would have taken a swing at him," he says. He says that they were on the golf team together, and "one time in the van, he just turned around and [sic] spit on me." Oh, lighten up, Ben -- that was just a little harmless GOLF rough play. Dan B. says that "Ben's a pretty docile guy, but put some headgear and some gloves on him and I think he's ready to roll." There's a makeshift boxing ring set up in the yard behind the house. "Thith is going to be thome funny [expletive deleted], lemme thell you that now," says Dave through his mouthguard. Expletive deleted because you can't say "thit" on television.

Jason plays referee; he knows what to say and everything. Patricia hits some dumb island gong thingy, and the fight begins. Ben totally whales on Dave, but Dave is really quick. The rest of the classmates watch, fascinated. Maybe slightly turned on. It's okay, people: violence is hot! Ben hits Dave near the back of the head, and Jason has to step in. In an interview, Ben says Dave's "a pretty intense guy." "I was definitely a little more upset there, and I wasn't going to take it out on myself," says Dave. "The eye of the tiger!" shouts Dan Barbato from ringside. That's right, Dan! It's the cream of the fight, too! What the hell does that shit mean, anyway? Finally, Dave takes a huge swing that somehow hits Ben through the ropes and out of the ring. Or something. I mean, there's this swing that makes contact with Ben's head, and then there's this shot of him falling through the ropes, but I swear, even with the slow-motion feature on my TiVo, I can't tell you how this happened. It's like Ben gets sucked out through the ropes or something. It's weird. Ominous music plays. What, it's over? Oh, fuck this shit. Where's Mr. T?

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High School Reunion




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