Episode Report Card
Erin: A | 1 USERS: A+
Peter Is Da Bomb. And Not In The Good Way

Peter uses some of his own TK to throw Sylar back against the opposite wall, knocking him out. Mohinder falls to the floor. Peter's about to go to him, but Sylar gets up and says, "Oh, no. I'm not done with him yet." Dirty! Sylar and Peter face off, but Peter decides to disappear. "Interesting," snarks Sylar. "I can't wait to try that one!" Heh. Sylar then uses TK to lift a bunch of glass shards into the air. He throws them around the room and one of them, unfortunately, hits Peter directly in the back of his head, effectively killing him. Peter goes down hard and Sylar walks toward him with a peaceful smile on his face. Sylar: "Ahhhh. Braaaaains." And that's when the big-ass map board comes careening across the room and slams directly into Sylar's body, throwing him to the ground and knocking him out, this time for good. Mohinder falls to the ground, breathing heavily. Way to grow a pair, Mo! Finally! He gets up and goes to Peter, checking his vital signs. Open staring eyes? Check. Glass shard in cerebral cortex? Check. Pulse deader than a doornail? Check. Peter's not really dead, and we're just waiting for Claire to show up so she can bring him back to life? Check and double check.

Dudes. Spiderman 3. Duuuuudes. Of course, I have an unhealthy crush on Tobey Maguire, so I may be biased. Or, as my friend Wendy Kroy says, "You like man-boys, and that's just wrong." But Wendy Kroy likes hairy daddy-types who wear gold chains and say, "Yo, babe," so what the fuck does Wendy Kroy know?

After the break, we join Mrs. "I invented the Oedipal complex, bitches!" Petrelli and her granddaughter, Claire "Daddy issues doesn't even begin to describe it" Bennet, as they share a moment over a picture of Nathan and Peter at Nathan's wedding. This is the precise second when Claire realizes that Peter is really her uncle and that all those dreams of making out with him are certainly never going to come true. Unless she wants to go to therapy until she's eighty and he wants to go to prison. Ma Petrelli says that Peter didn't know they were related when they first met. "He didn't even know you existed," she says. Claire gets a look on her face. "But... you did?" she says, turning to face her grandmother.

"Since you were a baby," says Ma Petrelli. "Nathan's 'folly' in Texas." Claire's like, "So... what? You kept me a secret?" Ma Petrelli's like, "Whatever. I cared for you. More than that firestarter of a mother ever did." Claire's like, "Hey, she may have set my carriage on fire, but at least SHE WAS THERE!" Ma Petrelli says that Pa Petrelli and she made arrangements for Claire. Ah, so that means that Pa Petrelli was in on this as well, which probably means that all that crap about him being suicidal is just a ruse too and he probably had superpowers because there's one thing we know now that we didn't know before: superpowers get handed down from generation to generation. This is one fucked up family, y'all.

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