Episode Report Card
Erin: A | 1 USERS: A
Meanwhile, In A Cargo Container In Ireland...

Back with Hiro, he asks one of the escaping villagers what happened and she says that bandits razed their village. The same bandits that Kensei would have picked off one by one had Hiro not messed with that plan. Hiro realizes that he may have just changed the course of the future. "You mustn't fret everything, my strange little friend," says Kensei, offering him an earthenware jug. "Some sake? It'll brighten your day!" Hiro insists that Kensei's supposed to be a hero and that he gains gold and riches more than anyone could ever dream. Oh, and he takes the swordsmith's daughter, the most beautiful girl in all of Japan, to be his princess. Just then, the most beautiful girl in all of Japan walks up and slaps the shit out of Kensei. "Owww?" says Kensei. Hee. God, I missed David Anders. I'm so happy he's on a ridiculous sci-fi-ish character-driven television show that I'm addicted to. It's just like old times!

The daughter tells him that they gave him everything they had as payment to get rid of the bandits, but now their village is burned to the ground and they have nothing. The bandits took her father hostage so she takes Kensei's sword, which, it turns out, was his payment for stopping the bandits in the first place. She walks off, and Kensei tuts Hiro that he doesn't think the daughter has any interest in becoming his princess right about now. In fact, all she's really interested in doing is rescuing her father. Hiro runs after Kensei and tells him that he has to rescue the swordsmith and make the daughter fall in love with him so that he can become the legendary hero Hiro knows and loves. After about thirty seconds of Hiro's yammering, Kensei's had enough and he punches Hiro in the face, knocking him to the ground. "The only thing I HAVE to do," says Kensei, "is find me a drink." Amen, brother.

Nuevo Casa de Bennet. The Bennets are gathered around the table, enjoying a meal made from silence and resentment. Noah tries to bridge the discomfort by stating a bunch of useless facts about California. Mrs. Bennet asks what Claire's first day of school was like, if anything special happened. Claire says she skated by unnoticed as if she wasn't even there. This pleases everyone. "And how 'bout you, sweetheart?" asks Mrs. B. Noah looks up like, "Who, me? Uh...I'll tell you what I did NOT do. I did NOT jack up some pube-stache-sporting asshole by grabbing his finger and telling him to shut the hell up. I did NOT do that at all!" Mrs. Bennet thinks it's amazing that everyone has adjusted so well to their new lives. She thinks everyone is flourishing. Everyone, that is, except Mr. Muggles, because no one knows how many championships he's won and how important he is. Mr. Muggles: "Lady, please. I crap on the sidewalk and eat food off the floor. How goddamned important do you think I AM? Even I'm not that delusional. You gonna eat that fat? That fat right there? On your plate? Gimme gimme gimme."

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