Grosse Pointe
Sleeping With The Enemy

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How Courtney Love Kept Her Hefty Bag On

Because Grosse Pointe has moved to a different night this week, the announcer gives his little lead-in about the show-within-a-show, and the confusion to which that can lead. Then we see Hunter, Courtney, and Tori2 sitting in the dressing room. Courtney reads aloud from a magazine feature entitled "Kinky Love Triangle." It says, "Hunter Fallow's real-life mom steals her TV boyfriend and sets the stage for a comeback." Hunter makes a bitchy remark and stalks off in her plaid skirt slit up to the waist. Courtney wonders why she even tries to talk to Hunter. Tori2 sees that she's in "What Were They Thinking?" again. She's opened the magazine to a three-quarter-page shot of herself in pink capris, a red sleeveless duster, and a turban. Under the image of smiling, waving Tori2, it says "fashion FAUX PAS". Oh, how sad. "Well, your turban is pretty," comforts Courtney. Courtney's wearing pink capri pants and a pink top with a few red flowers, so no one should listen to her, ever.

While having her hair brushed, Hunter overhears vomit-inducing banter between her mother and Quentin. "My God, you're huge," Helena says as she strokes Quentin's bicep. She hopes it's believable that someone her age could seduce a toned young man like Stone. She claims to be thirty-nine years old, and Quentin says he's twenty-seven. Then they each admit they're lying, and throaty laughs abound.

In a scene of Grosse Pointe the soap, Hunter's character Becky is clearing the table and crying. Becky's mom comes in and asks what's wrong. Becky worries that Stone's been cheating on her because she's not pretty enough for him. The mother character comforts her. Meanwhile, Quentin and Helena sit offstage and whisper in each other's ears, giggling and oozing hormones. The scene is cut, and Hunter stomps over to her mother. Helena applauds effusively. Hunter says she wasn't even watching the scene. Helena says, "Why, sure I was! I can do two things at once." "Good to know," says Quentin, to Hunter's disgust. Mary, the woman who plays Becky's mom, walks by, and Hunter introduces her to Helena. "You guys can tell each other apart because at least she pretends to listen when I talk," says Hunter of Mary. "Well, maybe you can teach her some manners," says Helena. Mary and Quentin look at each other like two deer caught in the headlights of drama-queen steamrollers.

Tori2, Courtney, Quentin, and Dave are gathered in front of a tiny television set and VCR. Johnny comes in, excitedly telling them to shut up. He puts a tape in the VCR and they all watch a movie trailer. In it, Johnny plays a detective whose partner died and was reincarnated as a small dog. Ted Danson voices sexist dialogue over close-ups of the dog chewing food. The movie's called Underdogs. The screen says, "Dog Tired Productions presents a Doghouse Films production. Johnny Bishop. Ted Danson. Introducing Skip the Dog." Tori2 and Courtney clap, mostly because they think the dog is cute. Quentin remarks that he was offered Johnny's part, but he turned it down. "I bet you feel pretty stupid now, huh?" says Johnny. Dave points out that Johnny's fan base will be expanded to five-year-old girls and their grandmothers. Kevin comes in and tells Johnny his phone interview with Entertainment Weekly is set up. Johnny asks his cast mates if they'll be at his premiere on Friday. Tori2 has it in her Palm Pilot. Courtney will be there, too. Quentin says he'll probably be busy that night. "Dude, you better not bail. I drove all the way to Pomona to see you in that Shakespeare thing. At least my movie's in English," says Johnny before exiting, eliciting a grimace from Dave. The girls walk off, wondering what they should wear. Dave tells Quentin about the acting class he took with Johnny. Dave feels that he ruled and Johnny totally sucked, and that Johnny gets by on luck. Quentin reiterates that he isn't going to the premiere. Dave says that if it weren't for the free food and open bar, he'd blow it off, too. Dave is wearing another undershirt for his fans' viewing pleasure, by the way. Mr. Starr, I think you've made your point with Dave's hair and he can go ahead and comb it now.

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Grosse Pointe

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