Grosse Pointe

Episode Report Card
Erin: D | Grade It Now!

All-out, full-on snaps to my personal savior and new best friend, Demian. Due to an extended power outage in the city of Chicago on Friday night, and the fact that ComEd is truly retarded, I was unable to capture the premiere on tape. Demian was kind enough to supply me with his copy. He rocks my world. Now, on with the show...

First and foremost, I'm digging that the WB puts up a warning that this show is recommended for their teen and adult audience. No. Really?

Then the powers that be run some upcoming episodes across the screen while this really sleazy VO starts. "Grosse Pointe is the name of the show within the show called Grosse Pointe. Now, this can get confusing, so listen up. It's a comedy about a drama and what really happens when the cameras stop rolling. Darren Star, a master of the primetime soap, takes you behind the scenes of a fictional drama. Because sometimes, what you read about Hollywood is true."

The hell? Since Darren Star is the producer of this show and (I later found out) the writer, I can't tell if this is intended as a semi-serious statement or if Darren's just having a giggle at himself. I mean, "master of the primetime soap" my ASS. Hello?! Exactly WHEN did 90210 finally haul its sorry carcass off the soundstage? My point exactly.

Mr. Slimy-Sounding VO states, "And now, the world premiere of Grosse Pointe on the WB Friday." (Only in my notes it looks like "& now, the WP of GP on WB Fri," which kind of makes me titter to myself because it looks so ridiculous.) So now I'm thinking the show's going to start. But before it does, SSVO just has to get in yet another completely useless pre-show explanatory directive: "But remember, what you're about to see, you shouldn't take too seriously."

Oh. Okay.

Then we're FINALLY beginning the show itself. Or the show within the show. Or the show within the show within the -- oh, screw it. Anyway, we're looking at a television screen as the name Grosse Pointe appears in the center of a landscape shot. A VO states the standard "Previously on Grosse Pointe" and then we're watching a car speeding down a wooded highway. Inside the car are the characters "Becky" and "Stone." Of course, I don't know this, really. I only know this because I've watched the damn show about forty times since 7:33 last night. I'm merely making life easier for everyone by just jumping right in and assuming that we all know what the hell I'm talking about. We'll get into the whole "character versus actor playing character versus caricature" issue later. Trust me.

So, anyway, Becky is obviously upset about something, because she's twisting her face so much she resembles a day-old prune. She says to Stone, "I want to have a baby someday. Just not yet. There. I said it. I'm a horrible person." Then she takes a healthy slug from what looks like a bottle of Captain Morgan's. Yum. Stone tells Becky that the baby's his problem too, and that she's not making this decision without him. Becky shrills, "God! Stone! How are you going to handle a baby? You couldn't even handle the eleventh grade!" Heh. Heh heh. Stone says, "I'll handle it. Because I love you, man." PTHTHWWWTTT. This is the sound of me spitting out my Chianti all over my coffee table because, and I'm not kidding, the guy playing Quentin playing Stone delivers this line in a precise replication of Luke Perry doing Dylan McKay. I. Swear. To. God.

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Grosse Pointe




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