Grosse Pointe

Episode Report Card
Erin: D | Grade It Now!

Okay. Seeing as it's the Halloween episode and all, I think this is an appropriate time to state this. Grosse Pointe is cursed. I'm not kidding. So far I've had two botched tapings due to circumstances beyond my control (okay, one of them was because I'm profusely retarded, but THAT'S NOT THE POINT), and now, on what should have been my third completely successful taping, my VCR decides to migrate to the Netherlands and take all of its functionality with it. That's right, people. My bloody Philips five-year-old VCR took a header on Thursday, October 19th and I was forced to ask my dear friend Wendy Kroy to tape the Grosse Pointe Halloween special for me. It was a lot to ask, I realize, it being a Friday night and everything. But he did it willingly. I even forced him to leave a backyard work party with free beer so he could go home and tape it. Unfortunately, he is a victim of the Chicago Transit Authority and by the time his butt made it home, he'd already missed the requisite "Previously on Grosse Pointe," the cheesy opening credits, and the first few seconds of the show after commercial. So, this recap, which is coming to you much later than I would have liked -- primarily because I have to leave on vacation in two days and have just packed 90 percent of my closet into a bag that wouldn't fit the dead body of my worst enemy in it and can't find my toothbrush, let alone my birth control, and am really, quite frankly, losing my FUCKING MIND -- will be a tad bit less detailed than my previous entries.

I apologize, from the bottom of my vodka-laden heart, for any discomfort I may have caused you due to this fiasco. Thank you.

When I first enter the episode, Rob is telling the soon-to-be absent Hope that if Quentin doesn't mind being thrown headfirst into a locker, then he (Rob) doesn't mind seeing it. Guess Hairless is doing his own stunts for this shindig, eh?

Next thing I know, Johnny is sauntering past his Hummer, bitching at Dave (who happens to be lounging outside Johnny's trailer, as he is wont to do...I mean, really, what in the hell does Dave do all day but lounge? Can someone tell me? I want that damn job. I'll take a bloody pay cut to sit around waiting for nothing) about how the traffic on the PCH (read: Pacific Coast Highway) is such a bummer that he really can't stay at his Malibu house during the week. As opposed to what, his Hollywood pied-a-térre? Dave wants to know why Johnny isn't even wondering where he (Dave) crashed last night. Johnny tells him that it's not his problem -- Dave's really gotta start holding his own. "Holding my own? You mean like you do?" cracks Dave, quivering into giggles. Johnny pulls a masculine hissyfit and tells Dave not to even talk to him anymore and enters his trailer. Dave tells him he was just kidding. Okay, did I miss something? Oh, wait. I did. The first seven minutes of the fucking episode. I can only discern that Johnny was caught wanking at some point. At least, that's what this conversation leads me to believe...

Then, Tori2's being rolled through a corridor in a wheelchair. WHAT!?! You mean I missed the flying thing where Tori2 gets dropped and is carted off in an ambulance because her "bikini area" hurts? Jesus! I was looking forward to that part! It was one of the funnier portions of the previews! Grrrrrr...anyway, Tori2 is moaning about how "he" didn't send her flowers and "he" didn't even call to see if she was okay. Johnny, anyone? Tori2 concludes that Johnny just doesn't care about her. No, really? What was your first clue, Tori2? Ooooh. That rhymes.

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Grosse Pointe




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