Grosse Pointe
Devil In A Blue Dress

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Erin: D | Grade It Now!
Devil In A Blue Dress

Okay, so we're looking at Hunter's face on a monitor and someone calls "Action!" and we're in the middle of a scene from the show within the show. "Becky" is in the process of telling "Laura" and "Kim" about some dream she had where the moon reflected off of "Stone's" eyes and they looked crystal blue. The three girls are lounging around sporting some Frederick's of Hollywood knockoffs, and "Laura" is sporting some major fugly knee socks that apparently are supposed to tie in with her tartan plaid chemise. What. Ever. "Becky" tells them that suddenly she and "Stone" were floating. "Kim" tells "Becky," "That is such a beautiful dream." "Laura" pipes up and says something about how her aunt interpreted her dreams, and how floating means that "Becky" and "Stone" are...

Unfortunately, "Becky's" not gay "Dad" abruptly enters the scene, so we never learn just what "Becky" and "Stone" are. I'm venturing to guess that they're puerile and tedious, but I may be wrong here. And can I just say one thing? Wasn't "Laura" making it with "Stone" last week? The hell? One week she's the adorable West Virginian cousin, the next she's a slutty vixen, the next she's all dewy-eyed and pro-Becky? I realize that the actual focus of Grosse Pointe is not the show within the show, but come on! If you're not gonna be consistent, then just show us the little on-set/off-set antics and be done with it! God! Okay. Okay. Breathe. Must. Not. Drink. So. Much. Caffeine.

"Becky's" father comes downstairs, and "Becky" bitches at him that she reserved the basement for that night. "Dad" says, "I'm sorry. But if you guys don't want this pepperoni pizza..." The girls shriek and run toward the pizza like Pokémon-costumed children toward buckets of Halloween candy. They giggle and shove slices into their mouths until the director calls "Cut!" at which point Hunter and Tori2 spit their un-chewed slices into a bucket held by Kevin, the anxious PA. Courtney continues to eat hers with an expression of disgust etched onto her face. Kevin informs Hunter that her agent called and said it was urgent. "And you're only telling me this now?" snaps Hunter. "What are you, an idiot?" Heh. Kevin retorts, "Fuck you sideways, you snatty witch," only it comes out sounding like, "You were shooting."

Hunter goes off to call her agent, and Courtney asks Tori2, "What's the deal with this pizza? It tastes like...grout." Tori2 tells her that it's made of concrete, yak droppings, and crushed snail shells. In other words, tofu. "Real pizza has too many calories," says Tori2. "But as long as you're spitting it out," says Courtney, "wouldn't you rather spit out real pizza?" Courtney then takes a step back and can't believe she's actually having a conversation this inane. "Hollywood has such a warped idea of what girls should look like." Uh-oh. I sense "A Very Special Grosse Pointe" coming on...

Hunter reenters and can barely contain her excitement. It would appear that Hunter's agent has informed her that she has an audition with Oliver Stone for Natural Born Killers 2: Mallory's Revenge. I wish. Actually, she's up for the part of Monica Lewinsky in Stone's new film, Lewinsky. I think I just projectile vomited.

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Grosse Pointe




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