Happy Endings

Episode Report Card
Sara Brady: D | 14 USERS: B+
Parrot Sketch Not Included
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Graceland: Briggs is (still) Odin Rossi. Charlie is suspicious. Briggs accidentally killed Juan and then not so accidentally buried his body in the desert. Now Mike and Paige are looking for Juan's car, which might incriminate Briggs, while Charlie is working with Mexican cop Cortez, who might actually be Jangles. And despite Blond Marius's cuteness, the charm of this series wore thin with me long ago.

Briggs is in bed. He's wearing a shirt, so this is all useless. Come on, USA Network, know your strengths and cut me a damn break. Do you make Matt Bomer wear a bag over his head? Briggs scans a missing notice for Juan, including what kind of car he was driving, and goes downstairs to wander creepily around the darkened house. Mike is sacked out on the couch. He's awake, but pretends to wake up, and then they make awkward small talk before Briggs goes to the fridge to steal some of Jakes's orange juice. Poor Jakes.

Speaking of, he opens his eyes when Briggs puts a hand over his mouth and wakes him. Jakes thinks ninjas must be attacking the house, otherwise his roommate would follow the barest conventions of good manners at least once in a while, but Briggs wants to call in a favor: he needs Jakes to make a car disappear across the border. Jakes is all, that's fine, I'll get right on it, and then Briggs tells him it can wait till morning. Even though he just woke him up in the middle of the night. Seriously, it's no wonder Jakes doesn't feel like these people are his family: they're all dicks.

Mike and Paige, who is still wearing just a bikini top and cutoffs because we no longer live in a society where I am guaranteed equal TV access to hot shirtless men (THANKS A LOT, MRS. HALL), blather on some about a tracker they're putting on Briggs's car. Mike tells Paige about how Briggs was wearing a hoodie and tried to sneak out last night, until Mike caught him, and Paige inadvertently steps into the zeitgeist when she points out that wearing a hoodie doesn't signal criminal intent. She puts the tracker under Briggs's car and then goes back to combing nine thousand different Bumble & Bumble products through her effortless beach-y waves.

Johnny makes pancakes. Paige requests an octopus and Johnny coldly offers Jakes a spaceship: a plain round pancake. He says it's the Death Star. Apparently someone still holds a grudge over the whole strippers-in-the-bounce-house debacle. Jakes says his bird-smuggling case is wrapping up and he could use a little help. Briggs volunteers. Very subtle, gentlemen.

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