Glee

Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Glee's Super! Thanks For Asking!

Game Night. Kurt and Dreamboat Blaine sit in the stands with Burt and Carole, watching as Finn warms up down on the sidelines. Karofsky & Ko. amble over in their civvies, and BORED. SO VERY BORED. Fortunately, the Glee Gals choose this very moment to arrive on the field all suited up for, you know, whatever, so we can keep this moving. Rachel, of course, is wearing number one on her jersey, and in a very nice callback to the person the character's supposed to be, she's also affixed three gold stars to the front of her helmet. "Are you ready for this?" Puck asks, all concerned for her welfare. Rachel takes a moment to remove her mouth guard, then screams, "LET'S KICK SOME ASS!" Enthusiastic Woo!s all around as they huddle up, and the next thing we know, the game's started. Rachel deploys some sort of Fosse-esque lunge as her crouch at the line of scrimmage, while Single-T Tina simply squats down like she's a frog. Lauren, on the other hand, is ready for some action, and as she shoves in her mouth guard, she levels her gaze upon her opposing number and promises, "You're. Gonna. Diiiiiiiiiiie!" Finn calls for the snap, and while Rachel, Mercedes, and Tina immediately hit the dirt, Lauren plows forward, knocking out at least one of the other team's guys. Unfortunately, that's not enough to prevent Finn from throwing for an interception, and as the Titans have absolutely no defense, their opponents easily run the ball what looks like eighty yards for a near-immediate touchdown.

Wow. Where the hell did I learn so much about football, for Christ's sake?

The shot cuts to the scoreboard, and in one of this evening's least believable bits of contrivance, when it flashes forward to the end of the second quarter, we discover the opposing team's heading into halftime with a mere seventeen-point lead. We hop back to the Titans' huddle, where Single-T Tina announces that she's tired of lying down all the time, so we already know she's going to do something stupid on the next play. They break, and Finn almost instantly gets sacked straight to hell as soon as the ball's snapped, allowing Single-T Tina the opportunity to leap to her feet, snatch up the fumble, and take off for the end zone. Of course, she gets flattened well short of the goal, and even though that guy totally took her out easy, everybody has to pretend like she's going to be paralyzed from the eyebrows down for the rest of her life for a few very long moments until she yanks out her mouth guard and asks -- stupidly -- "Did we win?" And why wouldn't Single-T Tina have a better grasp of the scoring system after two full quarters of play, I hear you cry out? Because she's a girl, silly, and math is hard!

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Glee

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