Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | Grade It Now!
Glee's Super! Thanks For Asking!

And this next goddamned number isn't going to help alleviate that boredom at all, now is it? When we arrive back from the last commercial break, the camera fades up on a brand-spanking-new banner for The Dalton Academy Swallows. And what on earth do The Dalton Academy Swallows have to do with this episode, I hear you ask? Absolutely nothing, that's what, so let's get through this as quickly as possible, shall we? The 30-year-old chorus boys of Dalton Academy make with the do-dee-wopping for a bit until Dreamboat Blaine comes a-sliding into the tastefully appointed Dalton Academy lounge to hurl everyone present into an a cappella version of "Bills, Bills, Bills" from Destiny's Child. And yes, while it's moderately amusing to listen to the stuffy, over-privileged Swallows croon about empowerment in the face of an onslaught of "trifling" "baller" "brothers," as I believe I pointed out before, this has absolutely nothing to do with the episode at large.

And when it's over, Kurt and Blaine retire to The Lima Bean for a little coffee-and-muffin date with Rachel and Mercedes. After an initial round of playful trash-talking from the boys regarding the extent to which Dalton is going to wipe the Regionals stage with New Directions' collective behind, the four settle in for a chat, with the primary topic of conversation of course being yesterday's post-slushie locker room meltdown. As a result of the lengthy conversation that follows -- during which we learn, incidentally, that Finn's spoken not a word of his troubles to Kurt over the last several days, even though Kurt makes it a point to drop by Finn's room with a glass of warm milk every evening for "lady chat" -- the gals learn that Coach Beiste need only field a nine-player team for the championship game because...oh, fuck it. I'll let noted football maven Dreamboat Blaine explain it all to you in his own words: "High school regulations actually let you play a couple guys short if you want to." Upon hearing this, Rachel gets a precious little twinkle in her eye, so wacky hijinks should abound in about three...two...

Crap! First we have to stop off in McKinley's main hall to see that no one's scribbled his name down on the emergency sign-up sheet Coach Beiste affixed to the bulletin board, and then we have to hustle on over to the music room to listen as the Glee Guys bemoan their unfortunate championship-free fate, so the wacky hijinks won't actually abound until about three...two...

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