I Am Unicorn

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 1 USERS: F
Straining Harsh Discords And Unpleasing Sharps

Meanwhile, Idina Menzel's rapidly losing her cool with the talent-free Sugar Motta, who can't get through a simple scale without fucking it all to hell, so it's quite fortunate that Sugar must cut their rehearsal time short so she might catch up on her TiVo'd episodes of My Strange Addiction, and as Sugar breezes on out of there, she blows past the just-appearing Quinn. At first, Idina and Quinn seem to be reaching an understanding of sorts, but then Idina says something -- and I have little to no interest at all in what that something actually is, by the way -- that sets Quinn off again, and she gets all "Whatevah! I do what I want!" for the fifth or sixth time this episode until Idina lectures her like so: "The first step to becoming an adult? Stop punishing yourself for things you did when you were a child." For whatever reason, this gets Quinn all weepy, and she begs to see Drizzle again, but Idina won't allow the two to meet until Quinn -- all together now -- cleans up her act. Idina exits, and Quinn howls and wails and gnashes her teeth and further rends her already-rent clothes straight into the next commercial break.

Hummel Tires And Lube. Frankenteen's taken a job at his stepfather's auto-repair shop, and when we join him, he's busily changing a tire on an SUV while Rachel sits off to one side, all pretty and pert and extremely careful not to get motor oil on her patent-leather pumps. The two get to chatting, and after Rachel admits she'll be "an emotional DEFCON One" until the audition results have been posted, she reminds Finn that he still has time to try out, as "the field for Tony is wide open." Unfortunately, between football and his schoolwork, Finn hasn't the time for the musical this year. "And," he reminds her, "I gotta go to this Booty Camp thing -- my dancing has got to get better, or it's gonna cost us Nationals." Then I guess they'll be losing Nationals this year, because Frankenteen will always suck with the dancing. Sigh. So sad. Another thing preventing him from auditioning is the fact that Burt's paying him so well for his work at the shop, and as Finn's currently saving up for college "and stuff," it's just a wee bit important that he not lose any of his shifts at the moment. "I just don't want you to give up on what makes you most special," Rachel begins, and I can already see where this is going, and I do not approve of the destination at all, so for the rest of the conversation, I vow to stick to a straight transcription of this little nitwit's dialogue. "You know," she continues, "you're really talented -- talented enough to get into NYADA if you applied," and that is a lie, and after your happy little escapade last week at The DoubleTree Inn, you know it's a lie, and if Finn wants to stay in Lima after high school and make bank as an auto-repair mechanic then WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL HIM HE CAN'T, and SHUT UP, RACHEL, and there I go breaking my promise to myself. Anyway, Finn muses aloud that working for Burt full-time after graduation might not be such a bad thing after all, and Rachel makes a great effort to choke back the bile that rises in her throat at the very idea to assure Finn that it wouldn't, so long as it made him happy. "But I don't think it would," she hastens to add, placing an urgent hand on his arm. "You're better than that," she claims despite all evidence to the contrary, and after Finn dimwittedly decides she's "the best girlfriend ever" for trashing both his stepfather and his stepfather's entirely respectable and lucrative profession, they lean in for a smooch.

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