I Am Unicorn

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 1 USERS: F
Straining Harsh Discords And Unpleasing Sharps

Later, after the commercial break, St. Gay Of Lima trudges through the McKinley halls, all downtrodden and slo-mo, until he realizes with horror that Brit-Brit went ahead and plastered the school with her versions of his campaign poster, despite his earlier objections. He rips one of the things from the wall and scampers over to confront her, screaming, "This is not the poster we agreed on!" "The poster that you wanted gave me crippling depression," Brit-Brit shrugs. "I wanted something toned down!" St. Gay howls. Santana Lopez, who'd been standing by silently up to this point, arches and eyebrow and notes, "This is toned down -- in the original, the unicorn was riding you." Hee. Kurt freaks, latches on to a just-passing Rachel, and babbles, "I need you! I need you to come with me to the auditorium right now and help me audition for Tony again!" Rachel's way stoked, because she's all about the last-minute emergency auditions. And as the two of them disappear into a throng of students milling about, St. Gay positively shrieks over his shoulder, "And stop putting up those posters!"

Brit-Brit has A Sad, and mopes, "I failed my precious unicorn." Santana assures her that the campaign strategy is brilliant, and adds, "If he doesn't get it, then he doesn't deserve to have you as his campaign manager." "There's no one like you," Santana emphasizes before adding, "You're a genius -- you are the unicorn." Awwwww. Brit-Brit smiles, and as Santana strolls off, Brittany loses herself in some approximation of "thought."

Auditorium. Coach Beiste, Artie and Emma are already back in their Chairs Of Judgment, ready to see some "ethnic Marias," and are quite surprised when Kurt and Rachel appear on stage, lugging a mattress whilst clad head to toe in suspiciously professional-looking Elizabethan-esque finery, and this is just painfully stupid. St. Gay, you see, intends to convince The Judgy Triumvirate that he's manly enough to play Tony by performing a scene from West Side Story's Shakespearean forebear, Romeo and Juliet, and to say his performance is an atrocity is to insult every atrocity ever committed by man, beast or nature in the history of the planet. It's so misbegotten and awful and wrong that The Judgy Triumvirate has little choice but to point and laugh, which sends poor precious special misunderstood snowflake St. Gay Of Lima screeching off into the wings, utterly humiliated.

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