I Am Unicorn

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 1 USERS: F
Straining Harsh Discords And Unpleasing Sharps

Cut to the auditorium, where Idina enters the stage from the wings to find Rachel warming up with Tinkles over at the grand piano. Awkwardness ensues, and if they expected me to care about this subplot at all, they shouldn't have dropped it so completely a year and a half ago. Rachel gets all babbly and hypersensitive, and Idina gets all maternal and mentoring regarding Rachel's impending West Side Story audition, and eventually, they settle into a duet of Barbra Streisand's hateful easy-listening version of "Somewhere," and it's nice and pleasant and dull, and then the camera goes all spinny and suddenly, Rachel's standing alone on the stage, belting out the final note for the benefit of her auditioners, Emma, Artie and Coach Beiste, who respond with hoots and hollers and an enthusiastic round of applause. Rachel giggles, all pleased with herself, and then we're off to...

...Skankland, where Sue's filming her anti-arts campaign ad, and it pains me to report that the ad itself is nowhere near as funny as it might have been. Well, aside from the bit where Sue's voiceover insists Quinn spends her days "snorting Splenda." In any event, it all just serves as a segue into the next scene, where Sue and Quinn -- with Becky darting around behind them on the boom mic, natch -- invade Mr. Schue's office so Quinn might blame him and his evil artistic ways for her sad downward spiral. Mr. Schue, to his eternal credit, rises to the occasion and tears her a new one like so: "You're not a little girl anymore, Quinn -- how long you plan on playing the victim card? You know, since day one, you've done nothing but sabotage the same Glee Club that has been there for you over and over again -- when you got pregnant, when your parents kicked you out? Mercedes even let you live at her house, and I don't recall ever hearing so much as a thank you! So, now you're a train wreck? Well, congratulations, but you stride into my office and tell me that it's my fault? Well then, I've got something to say to you: GROW UP." Quinn's dismayed, Becky's aroused and Sue's disappointed because her camera malfunctioned and she missed the entire thing. The ladies exit, leaving Mr. Schue alone to bask in his own unexpected awesomeness for a moment, and then we're off to...

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