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LTG: B+ | Grade It Now!
El Viaje Misterioso de Suzy Pepper

Quinn's house. We finally get to meet another parent! Quinn's super-blonde, super-tan mother is helping her try on her white gown for the Chastity Ball. Mrs. Fabray is also drinking a highball. Or maybe a gin and tonic. In her head, Quinn is mourning the loss of her polyester Cheerios uniform, since "the control panel hid [her] baby bump perfectly." Alas, the Chastity Ball gown is not so forgiving, as Mrs. Fabray is unable to zip up the back of the dress. She's confused, since the dress was custom made for Quinn just a few weeks ago. Quinn blames the really big lunch she had at school, and after a few seconds, Mrs. Fabray blames it on her lack of exercise since leaving the Cheerios. Mr. Fabray calls out for Mrs. Fabray (first name: Judy) to come watch Glenn Beck, and then he staggers into the room holding his own drink. I guess drunk is the only way to watch Glenn Beck. He closes his eyes so he won't see Quinn in her gown. Quinn: "Daddy! It's not like we're getting married." Okay, keep it in your pants, Electra. Mr. Fabray kisses Quinn on the cheek and then the two Fabrays start grilling Quinn about whether Finn is or is not "pressuring her." Quinn assures them that he's a perfect gentleman. But she doesn't tell them about the imperfect, non-gentleman who got her pregnant. And then we learn that Mr. Fabray is inviting Finn over for dinner on Sunday. And Mrs. Fabray goes to freshen up their drinks before they settle in for an hour of Glenn Beck's insanity.

Rachel, holding a gift-wrapped box behind her back, walks up to Mr. Schuester's desk. She wants to confirm that they're rehearsing their ballad at 4:00. It turns out that Will can't get out singing with Rachel because Matt will be out all week. Did they find a spider in his ear, or Shelob? He confirms the time of their rehearsal. She hovers over his desk and he asks what else she wants. What she wants is to give him the present she's holding behind her back. It's a hideous blue tie with some gold stars on it. Rachel tells him that every time he wears it, he can think of her and the star he's helping her become. If he finds himself wearing that tie, I think it would be a better use of his brain power to try to think of who could have stolen all of his other ties, because that's the only way he's ever putting that thing around his neck.

Emma's office. She's cleaning the windows while Will tells her, "It's happening again. It always starts with a novelty gift." Emma: "You can't blame her, Will. I mean, if we were gonna rank crushworthy teachers at this school, you'd be number one with a bullet." And then Emma looks like she wishes she'd put a bullet in her own brain instead of admitting that to Will. Instead, she diverts him by asking when Rachel started crushing on him. He tells her about the song, and then says that he can't go through this "again." Noting his repeated use of the word "again," Emma asks him what he's talking about. And so Will tells us all the tale of Suzy Pepper. About two years ago, before Emma started working at the school, Suzy was a student in Will's Spanish class who developed an enormous crush on him. Suzy is wearing red overalls over a red shirt, with a pepper-themed bandana in her hair. And maybe it's just the name, but I swear that she reminds me of nothing so much as a young Wendy Pepper. With an intense look in her eyes, she asks him how to conjugate the word "to love." And then she gives him a pepper-themed tie. "Peppers. So you can wear them and think of me... Suzy Pepper." Will thought this crush would run its course like all the others that had happened over the years, but Suzy only got crazier. The phone rings next to Will's bed while he's sleeping. He answers it, but hears nothing but heavy breathing on the other end of the line. Will: "Suzy Pepper?" Suzy Pepper: "You knew it was me just by the sound of my breath. That's so romantic." Terri grabs the phone: "Listen, you little psycho. This is Will's wife, and if I don't get enough sleep, my anti-depressants won't work. And then I'll go crazy and I'll kill you. Stop calling!" I've missed Terri the last few episodes. There hasn't been nearly enough sociopathic insanity with her gone. Will decides that he has to be honest with Suzy and face things head on, as we see him approach her at her locker. In the present, Emma asks how that went. By way of answer, we flash back to Suzy Pepper, sobbing as she staggers down the hall, listening to break-up music. She flings open her locker, takes out a jar, opens it, and removes a deadly black pepper. And then she pops it in her mouth and starts chewing. And isn't that just the kind of thing you could see Wendy Pepper doing? And then accusing somebody else of slipping the pepper to her? In the present, Will tells Emma that Suzy ate the worlds' hottest pepper, which she had shipped from Sinaloa. It burned a hole in her esophagus, and she was in a medically-induced coma for three days. I wonder if she had a visit from the space coyote while she was in that coma. Will: "That's why I can't just tell Rachel to back off. These girls are too fragile." That's right, Will. You are soooo hot that if you reject a girl, she will engage in self-destructive acts. Emma thinks that if Will can't tell Rachel directly to back off, maybe he can do it through song.

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