Gilmore Girls
Those Are Strings, Pinocchio

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Pamie: C+ | 5 USERS: A-
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Rory Graduates

Love how they used that second in the midway teaser to make it look like Rory and Lorelai were in a fight. Not that there has been a second of actual conflict in this episode. But then really, that's the only thing that has actually happened in thirty minutes. They summed up the entire episode in Lorelai saying the money was paying for college, Rory saying no, and then Lorelai calling out Rory's name. What is driving this thing? The promise of the end of the season? Waiting for Rory's speech? I am so bored!

Lorelai is standing over a living room's worth of clothes, complaining that her packing elves didn't show up in the middle of the night to pack. Hey, here's an idea: if you don't have any money? Don't go flying to Europe. Rory holds up a black turtleneck and asks what Lorelai thinks. "You hate the graduation dress I made you that much?" Ba-dum-bum. And when does Lorelai sew? And...I'm stopping now. They decide that the turtleneck is perfect for Europe, since it's black and will hide the dirt and wrinkles. Rory says they both need to cut weight from their packs. She says that Lorelai doesn't need five pairs of boots. Lorelai says she'll drop some boots if Rory drops some books. Rory says she needs all of her books. Rory tells Lorelai she doesn't need so many panties (she calls them "undergarments," but since I'm a real human being, I say "panties" or "underwear"), since they'll be rinsing in Woolite every few days. Lorelai is grossed out at her panty future. Rory asks why Lorelai is bringing three full tubes of toothpaste. Lorelai says she needs a back-up one in case she loses a tube. Rory says she can bring twelve books and a dictionary if Lorelai needs three tubes of toothpaste. Lorelai threatens to bring a gallon of mercury, since it's so heavy. They decide to cancel the trip, and Rory's off to graduation, saying she loves her dress. I'd love it more if she took off that cardigan. The trip is back on when the girls agree to nine books for two toothpastes. Whew! I was worried.

Richard and Emily bicker on their way to the door, wondering who could be on the other side of it. Emily decided not to look like a mermaid after all, but instead to look like she's deep-sea diving with Cher. She's in this periwinkle sparkly disaster. It has a brooch. Rory is at the door, asking to discuss a "time-sensitive" issue. Richard and Emily pull Rory into their home.

In the living room, Emily says that they were just getting ready for the ceremony. Shouldn't Rory be in school, then? It's Wednesday afternoon. And who graduates in the middle of the day on a weekday? Anyway, Richard complains about his tie. Rory asks them to sit. Emily asks if they should be nervous. Rory says they shouldn't, but that she is. She asks for money for Yale. She says the financial aid didn't come through and she has no other options. ["Hello, student loan? Any number of bursaries and grants and scholarships she could apply for that don't originate at Yale? Please. She has other options." -- Wing Chun] Rory asks for a loan for four years of Yale; meanwhile, she'll take a part-time job and pay them back in installments. Bwah! I love how Yale can be paid back on a part-time job/installment system. Rory says that after she graduates, the payments will increase with interest in proportion to her salary. That's my favorite part. If I were allowed to pay my student loan in proportion to my salary, they'd pretty much just call it even and let me go. I was paying my student loan while I was on unemployment for six months, because I'll be damned if I'm going to keep paying this thing off when I'm in my forties. Rory adds the additional disclaimer that she will reinstate Friday-night dinners and promises to be at their house every Friday at 7. Emily and Richard are happy to hear that. They say that they've missed each other. Emily says they're happy to do it, but Richard says he doesn't want it to be a loan. Rory says it must be a loan. "Otherwise it's too easy." Aw, isn't she just the BEST?! Richard counteroffers by insisting that she not pay him back until five years after she graduates and seven years if she goes to graduate school. This means that Rory won't even start paying back Richard until I've already paid off the two years of loans I took out on a state school with in-state tuition and fees. Unbelievable. Rory agrees, asking to pay interest. Richard will not let her. They agree to the phenomenal loan. Richard tells Rory that if journalism doesn't work out, she should come and work for him with her negotiating skills. Yeah, they were really something, weren't they? "You give me tens of thousands of dollars for the next four years and I promise to visit you and start giving you the money back sometime in the next decade." DEAL! Rory excuses herself. Emily asks if Lorelai knows she's there. "No," Rory says, beaming. "This is my thing." Like mother, like daughter. Everyone needs to borrow money from the Gilmores. Rory says she'll see them at the graduation, and leaves. Richard and Emily are more than happy to have Rory in their debt once again. And there's a car coming too, Rory. Enjoy your life of privilege. I'm fixin' to go refill my gallon of water from those quarter filter machines.

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Gilmore Girls

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