Gilmore Girls
There's The Rub

Episode Report Card
Pamie: A | 3 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Adultery, Theft, and Lies

Lorelai unpacks her suitcase in her hotel room. There's a knock at the door. But it's not the front door -- it's the suite door. Emily is standing there in her robe. "How do I look?" she asks. "Like a...landlady," Lorelai responds. She asks why the doors are connected. Emily says she asked for adjoining rooms so that they don't have to go out in the hallway to see each other. Again, Lorelai is disappointed. I don't know why she bothered coming. She should have sent Rory, who would have both appreciated and enjoyed the spa weekend. Plus it would have been funny to see Rory trying to study in the sauna. Emily loves her soft, soft robe. She wonders how it gets so soft. Lorelai says that having forty other people wear it first might have something to do with that. Emily asks whether Lorelai's ready for their treatments. Emily goes on about how great the treatment is supposed to be and all of the benefits it has until Lorelai says, "Okay. No more brochures for you." Emily asks why Lorelai isn't wearing her robe. Lorelai says that she's sure they'll give her a robe when she gets there. Emily tells her that the robes are wonderful and that Lorelai should put hers on. "They help you relax," she says. Lorelai tells Emily that they're late. "They're wonderful, relaxing robes," Emily insists. Lorelai sighs and says, "Oh, my God." Emily asks why Lorelai thinks it's some badge of honor not to put on her robe like everyone else. Lorelai closes herself in the bathroom as Emily reminds her that this weekend is for Lorelai. "I'm already relaxed," she brags. "You're kidding me, right?" Lorelai asks from behind the door. Lorelai comes out and ties her robe. "Happy?" she asks. Emily tells her that there are matching slippers. Lorelai walks back into the bathroom and slams the door.

The spa lady has just finished Lorelai's facial in the biggest spa room I've ever seen. Lorelai's wearing a mask, has her hands and feet in paraffin mittens, and leans back to relax to the Enya. Lorelai shouldn't be wearing earrings. It'll mess up the massage. The spa lady leaves her to sit by herself for a few minutes. Lorelai settles back just as Emily creeps into the room and pulls up a stool. She sits beside Lorelai. "Are your feet sweating?" she asks. "Mom?" Lorelai whines. Emily says that the booties made her feet sweat. Lorelai asks why Emily's in her room. Emily complains that Magda left her sitting for twenty minutes to take a coffee break. Lorelai bitches and moans that you're supposed to sit for twenty minutes to let the moisture in the mask soak into your skin. "In your room!" she finishes. Emily pulls out her itinerary to find out what they're doing next. Lorelai just about bursts into tears as she flails her arms about pouting. "Stop moving, Lorelai," Emily says. "You'll electrocute yourself." Lorelai flails back, begging for Calgon to take her away, as Emily chatters on to herself, wondering if an Egyptian Mud Bath is where they wrap you in towels like you're a mummy. "That might be nice," she considers. She says she'll really like it if the towels are as good as the robes. Because she loves her robe. Loves the robe. Emily keeps gabbing about how great the robes are, and I realize this is exactly what it'd be like if my mom and I went to a spa together. Except my mom only talks about eBay and the things she sells on it. ["My mom has no patience for that shit. Plus she doesn't like strangers having access to her parts when she's all nude, apparently." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai is miserable.

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Gilmore Girls

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