Gilmore Girls
There's The Rub

Episode Report Card
Pamie: A | 3 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Adultery, Theft, and Lies

Lorelai's on the phone with Emily. Emily has a gift certificate for a weekend at the Birch Grove Spa, and she'd like to know if Lorelai would like to have it. I just spent half a day in a spa on Thursday because my boyfriend is the best person in the world. Emily says she bid on the weekend at the DAR fundraiser and won. Lorelai says the place is "amazing," meeting the quota before the teaser even ends. She asks why Emily doesn't want to take the weekend. Emily says she's never had the desire to go to one of those things, but that she had to bid on something, since it was for charity. She snaps at her newest maid as she points at some flowers on the table. She tells Lorelai that she didn't want to bid on another portrait of George Washington since she already has four in the attic. Lorelai says she'd love two days of total mind-numbing pampering. Lorelai goes on about facials and massages as Emily's maid changes the place setting for the flowers. Emily tells Lorelai that she makes the spa sound like Heaven. Lorelai says it's the closest humans can ever come to being dogs -- lying around all day getting scrubbed. Emily tells Lorelai it's for this weekend. This is perfect in Lorelai's every-day-is-Friday schedule. She says she'll be there. "So will I," Emily decides. Lorelai's all, "Excuse me?" Emily says that the certificate is for two, and that if the place is as wonderful as Lorelai says, she'd like to try it herself. Lorelai isn't so happy about this, because she likes her free gifts worth thousands of dollars that her mother paid for to come with no strings attached. Emily asks if it's okay that Emily come with Lorelai. Lorelai stammers unconvincingly that it's perfectly fine. Emily is beaming as she tells Lorelai she'll pick her up the next morning. "You know, I'm actually looking forward to this?" Emily adds. So is it Friday? Lorelai tells Emily through her fake smile that she's looking forward to it as well. "Thanks, Mom," she concludes bitterly. She hangs up and gives an ungrateful eye-roll. I think Lorelai is using a TiVo remote for a cell phone. Also, who has a cell phone that turns off by flicking a switch? What a weird phone she has.

Lorelai plops into a chair next to Rory, and pouts that she's going to a spa with her mother. "Lean forward," Rory says. Lorelai puts her head under the umbrella just as more ceiling pours down around them. Lorelai gives a small nod and sips her coffee as we go to the opening credits.

It looks like Rory is packing Lorelai's suitcase. Lorelai gets off the phone and cackles an "evil 'yes'" that her scathingly brilliant idea has come to fruition. She's called the spa and scheduled all of her appointments to start and end in the middle of Emily's appointments, so they'll never have to see or talk to each other the entire time they're there. Lorelai's t-shirt reads: "Yoga Kills." Rory disapproves of Lorelai's schedule-rigging. As do I. Lorelai asks whether Rory's going to throw a big party tonight. Hardly. Rory plans on doing laundry, watching television, ordering Indian food, and going to bed early. Wow. Lorelai says that Rory's supposed to do bad things while Lorelai's out of town. She demands bikers and low-lifes. Rory is packing like Lorelai's going to be gone for a week. Does she know that you hardly wear any clothes the entire time you're at a spa? There's a honking outside, and Rory says that Emily must be there. Lorelai runs to the window, wondering why Emily would be honking. "She hates honking. She calls it 'a mechanical bodily function.'" Lorelai looks outside and moans an "oh, jeez!" Rory looks outside the window and says, "Oh, cool!"

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Gilmore Girls

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