Gilmore Girls
The Reigning Lorelai

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One Down, Two to Go

We open at Friday-night dinner. Lorelai is very unhappy to find out that tonight's appetizer is escargot. Richard impatiently tells Lorelai that "they" taste like garlic and butter. Lorelai thinks that food shouldn't have pronouns. Except we call food "it" all the time, right? Lorelai worries that the main course will be roadkill, and since she will only allow one gross-out food per meal, she's holding off on the snails. Richard tells Emily that they should strike escargot off the Friday-night dinner menus. Emily absently says that Sweetie loved escargot. Sweetie is a longtime friend of Emily's who passed away the day before. They are dropping like flies in Stars Hollow these days. ["And Hartford, where they actually are at this moment. I KNOW YOU JUST DO THIS TO IRRITATE ME, PAMIE." -- Wing Chun] Emily tells Richard that the funeral will be Sunday. Lorelai asks if Sweetie was a nickname. It was -- her real name was Melinda. Lorelai asks how they got "Sweetie" out of "Melinda." Emily repeats that it's a nickname. Lorelai asks how she got her nickname. Emily: "She was sweet. That's the story." Lorelai is disappointed, so Emily asks what kind of story about her recently departed friend would amuse her. Lorelai says this isn't all about amusing herself, which it obviously is. Emily launches into a lengthy tale about Sweetie's family history. They were so poor that the five kids slept in a hollowed-out tree trunk. Anyway, they created a successful candy shop from the ground up, and hence Sweetie's nickname. Richard realizes that he's got a conflict with the funeral, since he and Digger have golf plans with a client. He asks if it's important for him to be there. Emily snarks, "Not important at all." Richard asks Emily to send his condolences. Lorelai jumps when she thinks one of her snails is still alive. She's pretty sure it moved from the radish to the other side of the plate.

Luke's. Lane is busy serving everyone, and Kirk is busy complaining about some fishy-tasting eggs. He asks if it was possible that his eggs were cooked near or with fish. Lane pretty much calls Kirk a paranoid idiot. Lorelai runs into this incredibly busy diner and barks out her order: "I need something with cheese!" Amazingly, the earth doesn't stop spinning on its axis in reply. Kirk tells Lorelai to smell his eggs. Lorelai declines the offer. Lorelai wants Luke to make her a breakfast quesadilla right now, but Luke's outside on a park bench, arguing with Nicole. Kirk brags that his girlfriend taught him to read lips so that they can have quiet time without losing conversation. He offers to translate. Nicole says, "Hardwood sponge is the authority of the hostile biographer." Then Luke responds, "Just phone cords to original samovars." When Lorelai points out that their conversation makes no sense, Kirk figures that the couple is on to them and have switched to a secret code. Kirk says that Luke's headed back, since he got up and said, "Feel your taters." Lorelai tries to correct Kirk, but Kirk is adamant about his translation. Lane brings by a new plate for Kirk, since she found out that his eggs actually were cooked in the fish pan. "I don't know why everybody in this town always thinks I'm crazy," says Kirk as he takes his seat.

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Gilmore Girls

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