Gilmore Girls
The Lorelais' First Day At Chilton

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The Lorelais' First Day At Chilton

Miss Patty stands in front of her girls, who are walking in a circle with books on their heads. "Now walk smooth, that's the new Harry Potter on your heads. If they should drop, Harry will die and there won't be any more books." She tells the passing Lorelai, "That's how you should have dressed this morning, Missy." Lorelai ignores her.

Lorelai enters the diner, and Mr. Nutrition asks what she's doing there. He hands her some coffee. She misses her lecture. He says his blood sugar is low, so he'll get back to her later. Lorelai recaps her day again, including the Chilton Dad. Mr. Nutrition is glad that she's not going out with the Chilton Dad. They flirt innocently until Lorelai gets a phone call so that Mr. Nutrition can point out the "No Cell Phones" sign. It's someone important, named Babette, on the phone, and Lorelai has to leave.

Lorelai pulls up in front of her house, and Sally Struthers is there holding a cat. I wish when I went home Sally Struthers was there holding a cat, apologizing for calling me and interrupting my day but she was just looking out for me. I wish Sally Struthers looked out for me. Fucking charmed Gilmore life. Sally Struthers says that there are some strange men walking around Lorelai's house, and one of them kicked over the lawn gnome. "I wouldn't trust these boys. Gnome kickin' says a lot about a person's character."

The Gnome Kickers are men in hard hats who have perfected the Gilmore dialogue style where you stand perfectly erect and deliver all lines without any sort of inflection, quite quickly, and with a slight move of the head or a hand, but not both at the same time. They are there to install DSL at Lorelai's house. Emily ordered it. They were told to look for a ceramic frog where they're be a key. He says they would have been done by now, but the frog search was taking longer than they thought. DSL Guy II shows up carrying a ceramic turtle and says he found the key. They argue over whether it's a frog or a turtle until Lorelai tells them she's going to cancel the order.

"Is there a problem?" Sally Struthers asks Lorelai as she walks back to her Jeep. "Oh, nothing Shakespeare couldn't turn into a really good play."

Back in class, Rory writes Paris a note apologizing once again and asking if she can help fix the project. Paris crumples the note and throws it down to the ground without looking at it. This seems to be all Rory needs to convince her just to beat 'em instead of joining 'em. As the teacher asks questions, Rory shouts out the answers before anyone can raise their hands, or more importantly, before Paris can snot out an answer first. The bell rings and Rory and Paris share snotty looks as they get up to leave. Paris gets in Rory's face and says, "Stay out of my way. I will make this school a living hell for you." Phillllipppe crosses behind, points and says, "See you tomorrow, Mary." New girls never get this much attention on the first day of school.

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Gilmore Girls

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