Gilmore Girls
The Lorelais' First Day At Chilton

Episode Report Card
The Lorelais' First Day At Chilton

Outside Miss Patty's dance academy, the same exhausted six-year-olds are continuing their lessons. They march in place wearing pink outfits while Miss Patty tells an elaborate story about them marching in a Thanksgiving parade and the crowd loving them. She breaks for "cookie time" and has a cigarette. She says hello to Lorelai and asks if it's Rory's first day at Chilton. Lorelai says she just dropped her off. "Is that what you wore?" "Oh, look at the time. See ya, Patty." Miss Patty walks back into her studio and shouts that the girls need to put their leotards back on. "This is not Brazil!"

Lorelai gets out of her Jeep, struggles with her laundry, her coat, and her coffee, and walks back towards her house where the phone is ringing. It's Emily. She's going shopping and wants to buy Rory some clothes. Lorelai says that she bought Rory enough clothes and to not bother. Emily wants to buy some special Chilton clothes like the school sweater, book bag, and coat. Lorelai says that Rory will be fine without the extra clothes. They bicker. She tells Emily that a coat in a size six would be fine and hangs up.

I know that I'm not recapping the correct show here because this school actually has classes. Rory is in one right now, and the instructor is going through his lecture. Head Snotty Blonde is answering every single question in her snotty blonde way. They discuss Tolstoy and Dickens. Ryan Phillippe's doppelganger walks in and hands the instructor a late pass. As he walks to his desk he gives Rory a smirking once-over. He sits in the back and asks a friend, "Who's that?" "New girl." As the bell rings he says, "Looks like we got ourselves a Mary." The instructor calls Rory to the front of the class and hands her a giant binder full of materials from the last week. He says that there's a test the next day but since she's new she can take a make-up exam on Monday. He also suggests that she borrow notes from a student, as they tend to be "more detailed." She looks at the giant binder and wonders how anything could be more detailed. He says he knows it appears daunting right now. She says she'll be fine.

As Rory walks into the hallway, Head Snotty Blonde, who introduces herself as Paris, immediately stops her. Never trust a girl named after a city. Paris asks if Rory is going out for the school paper. Rory says she'll have to find her locker first. Paris gives a snotty list of her snotty achievements as Rory tries to play it cool. Paris basically gives Rory the "don't fuck with me" speech about how she's the best and intends to stay that way. "This school is my domain," she says. One quick search for proves Paris a liar, because that domain is actually registered to Chilton Software Engineering in Reston, Virginia. Paris snots off and Rory says to the hallway, "Guess you're not going to let me borrow your notes, huh?" Another strange, quiet fade to commercial.

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Gilmore Girls




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