Gilmore Girls
The Hobbit, The Sofa, And Digger Stiles

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Parents Just Don't Understand!

Sookie walks over to the television room, but Lorelai whispers for her to come back. Sookie says that a child isn't a duvet cover, and that you can't just take it back if it doesn't like you. Lorelai says that kids are like golden retrievers, and are notorious for liking whomever they go home with. Sookie says that when kids don't like you, they tie you to a chair, brain you with a bat, set fire to the house, and blame it on the neighbors. Lorelai says that now Sookie can't have kids, nor live next to them. Sookie says she doesn't know how to talk to kids, or feed them. She covers up their party cloths and sets fire to their fingers. She makes them eat jalapeno-chipotle cream sauce: "I'm Mommie Dearest!" Lorelai tells Sookie to go back in the kitchen. "No!" Sookie shouts. "I can't go back. I've got hummus in there! God knows what I'll do with it!"

Lorelai pushes Sookie into the kitchen and asks Raleigh to make sure the kids have enough soda. You mean lime spritzers? How did they get soda? Raleigh leaves, and Lorelai sits Sookie at the table, telling her to calm down. "I'm gonna fail!" Sookie says. She frantically points to her stomach and says, "Get it out! Get it out! Get it out!" Lorelai tells her to breathe, and to drink some water. She tells Sookie that everything is going to be fine. Sookie says that kids don't like her, and she's not so sure she likes them. Lorelai assures her that she'll like her own kid. Sookie says that, at family gatherings, when the kids perform for the grown-ups, she reads. Jackson's niece likes to sing Mariah Carey songs for everyone after dinner, but Sookie heckles. She has no desire to play with kids. Easter egg hunts bore her. She has never borrowed the neighbor's kid to look after for the afternoon. I am Sookie. She concludes: "'Come on, Jackson! Let's have a baby! I want to be a mommy!' I'm pathetic." Lorelai says she's not pathetic. Sookie is in tears as she realizes that she's going to be a bad mother: "I shouldn't be a parent." Lorelai says that there are many people who shouldn't have been parents, like Mr. And Mrs. Hitler, or the Bin Ladens. She insinuates that she's as bad as the aforementioned offspring by saying that Richard and Emily didn't need to procreate. Wait. Is she saying her parents are as evil as the elder Hitler and Bin Laden generations? Yikes. Lorelai concludes, "But you? No way. You're gonna be a great parent." Sookie asks how she knows. Lorelai says she saw Sookie with Rory growing up. "Who could not like Rory?" Sookie asks. I know a forum of girls who are dying to sign a petition, Sook. Lorelai assures Sookie that she'll be an amazing parent, and that her son is very lucky. Sookie nods, smiles, and says she guesses it'll be okay. They get up and stop crying. Sookie promises that she's okay. She checks on the other room and quickly comes back in to say that someone threw up on the table. Sookie tries not to throw up herself, but needs to leave the room and have Lorelai deal with it. Oh, man. What if your kid grew up to be truly evil? Like, kills people and destroys kind of evil? What do you do? And what if your kid turns out to be an asshole? Can you stop your child from being an asshole? ["I hear you." -- Wing Chun]

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Gilmore Girls




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