Gilmore Girls
Secrets And Loans

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C- | 1 USERS: A+

Outside the bank, Emily says she thought that all went quite nicely. Lorelai instantly asks what the catch is. She wants to know what Emily wants in exchange for co-signing the loan. Emily is offended ["and justly so, in my opinion" -- Wing Chun] and says she was just trying to do a nice thing and help her daughter. She storms off.

Okay, there's some kind of pep rally here in the snow to welcome Stars Hollow High's new basketball coach. Cardigan Man is almost unrecognizable in a ski cap. The team has new uniforms as well. Cardigan Man tells the boys to show off the new basketball uniforms, but the boys complain that it's freezing outside in the snow. The boys rip off their sweat suits and show the uniforms. Bootsy says stuff to Rory I refuse to recap because of the Bootsy Clause I'm adding to my contract. Lorelai brings Rory coffee, saying she got her note. Rory says that pinning notes to the Mallomars is always a safe bet. Y'all, I'm so bored. I swear to God. Lorelai says that she and Emily went to the bank today and got a loan so everything's okay now. Lorelai says she likes the uniforms. Rory apologizes. Lorelai says she's never really needed her parents' help before and has always given Rory everything she needs, so when Lorelai says she can handle something, Rory needs to respect that. Lorelai declares the fight over in time for Lane and the cheerleaders to run in chanting "Stars Hollow High!" Madness starts playing and we see Lane as the head cheerleader or something. They cheer. Recapping bliss. I even have an old joke about Madness. My friend and I saw the box set a few years ago and we noted that the entire Madness box set sounds like this song. "Duh-nuh-NAH nah-nuh-ni-nuh-nuuuuh."

The Troubadour. Still recapping bliss, but aural misery. Rory finds Lane with some cheerleaders. Lane just walks away from them. Rory compliments the music selection. "Very John Waters," she says. She tells Lane that she has to be able to tell her things. She says the cheerleading looks like fun and she'd only be worried about Lane if she wanted to do this professionally. Man, this episode is even more boring in this slow-recapping mode. Y'all. Nothing has happened and now they're cleaning up nothing happening into a complete emotional standstill. Lane says she's the same girl, but just bounces a little more. They leave for coffee, passing the Troubadour, who sings, "Be True to Your School." Yay, it's over. Bring on next week's episode, which...oh. It's not over.

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Gilmore Girls




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