Gilmore Girls
Secrets And Loans

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C- | 1 USERS: A+

Rory walks into MamaLane's antique shop. MamaLane quickly shoos Rory out of the store with a broom, angry that Rory brought her termite-infested body to her store full of furniture. Rory tries to explain that she's not a carrier for termites, but MamaLane won't hear it. Rory asks where Lane is. MamaLane says that Lane is still at school. She asks if something's moving by Rory's foot. MamaLane starts spraying Rory's feet with a hose. Hee. I love MamaLane.

Lorelai is pretending to use an iBook. Rory says that the entire town is talking about their termite problem. Lorelai says that they have to stop talking to people. Fraulein calls Rory on the phone and tells her this long story about how she's writing an article for The Franklin about how Chilton's PSAT scores compare to neighboring schools, and how she needs to know Rory's number for the PSAT average. Rory tells her to put Paris on. Blah, blah, blah, blee, blee, bloo, and eventually Paris gets on the phone, asking Rory why she won't tell her what she made on her PSAT. Rory hangs up on her and walks back over to Lorelai. Lorelai says that if Paris and Emily were in a room together the world would implode. ["Except that they already have been, in the last episode." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai says that every place has turned her down, including "Jacko's Loans and Stuff." She says it's time to "hang out with the Coreys." As they finish getting ready to go see Emily, Rory brings up the idea of asking Emily for help fixing the termite problem. Lorelai says she knows that her parents would give her money, but she doesn't want to deal with all of that baggage. She says she went to them for Chilton because it was worth all of the pain and suffering, but this isn't worth it. She says she'll think of something. This goes on and on and on until Lorelai tells Rory to stop talking about it and that she isn't going to tell her parents about the money.

Emily's house. Living room. Richard is at work, "finishing up" a few things. I ate dinner next to him a few nights ago and it took all the strength I had to not walk up to him and say, "I love you on Gilmore Girls." He was dining with fancy friends. Hey, are you guys bored yet? Because this episode is crazy boring. I shall treat you with a half-time story. But it's not half-time yet, so you'll just have to keep reading. Lorelai pops a pill. Emily asks what Lorelai is taking. "Roofies," Lorelai says. Rory says it's aspirin. Emily asks if Lorelai is sick. Lorelai says she just has a headache. Blah blah headaches mean you're sick. Blah, blah, it's just tension. Blee blee, tension from working too hard. Blah, blah, I don't work too hard. Finally Rory just starts telling Emily everything she wasn't supposed to -- how they have termites and it's going to cost so much money to save the house from imploding like Poltergeist. Emily stands up and walks over to her Checkbook Desk where she writes enormous checks. Lorelai tells her that she doesn't want the money. Yes, you do. No, I don't. Yes. No. Take it. I won't. Do it. Won't. Do. Won't. On and on and on. Take the money. I wish they were arguing over termites or home reconstruction. Money just makes it so damn boring.

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Gilmore Girls




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