Gilmore Girls
Secrets And Loans

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C- | 1 USERS: A+

Lorelai's alarm clock is so loud and piercing that both of my cats start running around the living room looking for the truck that's backing up. "Que Sera Sera" plays daintily in the background as Lorelai wakes up with an uncharacteristic smile. She's happy. She loves her house. She loves waking up in the house. She's stretchy, happy, and smiley. She crawls out of her bed like it's Christmas morning. She enters the kitchen and pours a cup of coffee. Rory and Lorelai beam at each other as the music gets louder and louder, reminding us of how perfect Lorelai's life is. Lorelai strolls out onto her porch to get the paper or something (when we all know Rory would have already been reading it at the kitchen table), when her foot busts through some wood. The music screeches! Lorelai screams Rory's name. It's not all so perfect anymore! The hilarity! I hate it when they make over-cute sketch-type segments in this show.

Back in the kitchen, Rory asks if the porch is falling apart or if Lorelai just weighs a ton. Lorelai says that the porch is fine. Rory says the wood is old and rotting. Lorelai says it's strong and will be there for a long time. Kirk, the official Jack of All Trades of Stars Hollow, stands in the doorway and announces that the entire house has termites. Thousands. He adds that four of them crawled up his nose, and that it's a common occurrence when you're upside down, since termites aren't smart enough to know the difference between wood and a nostril. Lorelai asks whether Kirk wants to come in. He says he'd rather talk outside, and starts walking away from the house. Lorelai and Rory follow him. Kirk calls the house a "bug-infested smorgasbord." Then he takes some waffles from Rory. Kirk asks if they can discuss this on the lawn, since the porch could give out on them at any moment. Lorelai will have to tent the place, but the termites have ruined the structural integrity and the house is falling down. Blah, blah, blah, it's going to be expensive: $15,000 to repair the house. Lorelai doesn't have that kind of money. She says that in seven different ways. Kirk says she can just fix the part of the house that they like. Lorelai says they like the entire house. "Really?" he asks. "Even that kitchen?" Heh. Lorelai dismisses Kirk. He tells her not to wait too long. Lorelai tells Rory that the day is only going to get better from there. They dare each other to walk into the house.

Chilton. Lunch. Louisa and Fraulein appear to be on a diet on which they count out twelve Chee-Tos each. They chat about boys. Paris sits down with a happy gloat. She tries for six minutes to get Louisa and Fraulein to ask her about her PSAT scores. Fraulein got 500 verbal and 560 math. Louisa got "highlights, just around [her] face." Paris tells Louisa that she'll have to take the test again, and study this time. Anyway, for the next few minutes Paris just goes on and on about how her scores were at her house today and she was really nervous to find out what she got. The script for this scene was easily five pages long. Neither girl asks Paris her score, so Rory finally cuts in and asks. Paris got a 750 math and a 730 verbal. The other girls act all impressed. Smug Rory refuses to tell Paris her scores, saying that it's personal. Paris wants to know how Rory did, and wants to know if Rory is pleased with her score. Rory says she's pleased. Paris asks whether Rory is pleased by just anything, like sunsets. This goes on until a bell rings, signaling everyone but Paris, Louisa, and Fraulein to leave the lunchroom. Oh, man. Take the money! This episode is frustrating, just bantering back and forth about things without anything really happening.

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Gilmore Girls




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