Gilmore Girls
Santa's Secret Stuff

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: B- | 1 USERS: D+
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Home For Fake Christmas
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Aaaaand, we're back! The previouslies remind us that everybody in Stars Hollow is having all sorts of problems. Lane's pregnant with twins! Luke's daughter is moving away! Lorelai doesn't want to have a wedding with Chris! Chris is mad about it! Rory is wrapped up in some juvenile emotional mess with Lucy because she's known Marty for years, not months!

Wow, that was a long hiatus. Especially after only ten episodes and even more especially because nothing really significant happened in those first ten episodes to move this seven-year-long story in any direction at all.

We pick up with the gang after the Christmas holiday has passed. Lorelai is pacing around her house, repeatedly looking out the window, when Rory finally arrives, returning from London. "The Redcoats are coming!" Lorelai cheers, running down the steps. "The Redcoats are coming!" Gigi chimes in. Christopher cannot wrestle Gigi into her coat fast enough to catch up with Lorelai as she skips out the door. "I'm so mad at you!" Lorelai calls as Rory gets out of her car. Rory points out that that's not really the friendliest home-from-the-airport greeting. Lorelai's mad, though, because Rory ruined her whole plan: she wanted to pick her daughter up in the traditional Gilmore style with a fake chauffer sign, coffee, and flowers: "Why would you mess with my sense of self?" Rory says that her car was parked at the airport, so she didn't need a ride, but her mother spurns this logic. They have a several-minutes-long conversation about the car park. Lorelai jokes that, whatever the case, she thinks Rory's driving after spending so much time in London was probably risky, and hams, "You might get confused and forget what side of the road to drive on." Rory: "Yes, it was a near escape."

Christopher and Gigi have finally arrived at the car, and cheerily welcome Rory home, complete with Gigi attaching herself to Rory's leg as four-year-olds are wont to do. "I was thinking," says Chris, "all that time in England and you might forget which side of the road to drive on." Lorelai fixes him with a cold stare: "Hey. Don't steal my material." Chris is offended: "That's my jokes. If you just made it, you ripped me off." Lorelai's jaw drops: "I ripped you off? That's like saying Lenny Bruce ripped off Carrot Top, or Woody Allen gets his material from what's-his-name, the guy with the watermelons." Good one, Lorelai. Rory has to interrupt to tell them that, as hilarious as it is, they're both actually ripping off the guy from the airport car park, who made the joke hours ago. As the happy family goes inside, Rory makes a sad face: "Aw, you took the Christmas lights down." Lorelai says she hasn't even put them up yet: "I saved Christmas for you." Rory is amazed. Lorelai hasn't had an ounce of Christmas. Please tell me Gigi was still in France until yesterday, then, because...how crappy is that? The kid is four! And Rory was having Christmas elsewhere! And, yes, I know this show is called Gilmore Girls and is about Lorelai and Rory and their amazing super-strong bond from hell, but does Christmas need to be postponed for a twenty-two-year-old who is spending the holiday in the Christmasy-est city in the world? I guess so, because Lorelai says she was so adamant about saving it, she didn't even let it snow: "I didn't let any Christmas happen. I grinched it up so hard!" There were no presents, no tree, no cookies, and "no egg, no nog." Rory is forced to apologize for any accidental Christmas she celebrated, and says that she is now ready to do it up for real. "So, you stopped the snow?" she asks. "Yeah," Lorelai confirms. "I did an anti-snow dance that was humiliating and arduous, but I had made a promise to my daughter." Rory: "Humiliating?" Lorelai: "Two words. Coconut bra."

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