Gilmore Girls
Presenting Lorelai Gilmore

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
Balls. But Not In That Funny Way.

I can't stop eating these Cosmic Potato Puffs from Trader Joe's. Someone needs to come over to my apartment and physically stop me from eating them. Oh, wait. I have turkey meatloaf leftovers. Sandwiches! Unemployment rocks! Kill me.

I like Omar and all, but I cannot bring myself to watch Smallville. Just the previews make me all giggly. Why does everyone on that show have to talk like Kim Deal at the beginning of "Cannonball"?

Lane, CuteDean, and Rory sit on a couch watching the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, one award show that Stee and I haven't covered yet. ["Is that a threat of some kind? 'Cause I'm making a mental note right now." -- Wing Chun] CuteDean is pouty. Lorelai is on the phone with Emily trying to thwart any conversation Rory would have to suffer. She tells Emily that she hasn't ever purchased Rory a pair of full-length gloves, since there's no reason to own them on their planet. Rory points out that Neil Young looks cool in a tux. CuteDean says that Neil Young looks cool because he's Neil Young and not because he's wearing a tux. I think Neil Young looks like Creepy Uncle Neil who walks into your room and holds your teddy bear just out of your reach and won't let you have it back until you start crying. But that's just me. Because I didn't grow up listening to Neil Young. Because I'm not in my thirties yet. Lorelai walks back into the room and asks Rory whether she'd like Emily's stylist to come and do her hair right before the ball. Rory makes a face and Lorelai tells Emily that she didn't coach her response. Rory tells CuteDean that he'll look great in a tux. "Tails," Lane reads. CuteDean is upset. Lane reads that all male escorts must be in tails with a white cummerbund and white gloves. CuteDean is outraged. Rory says she's sure the gloves are optional. Lane says that according to the handbook, the gloves are definitely not optional. CuteDean is freaking out, and Rory tells him to remember Neil Young. That doesn't work, so she reminds him to remember how much he loves her. That still doesn't work, so she reminds him that she'll be watching Battlebots with him for a month. CuteDean has somehow become a very bad actor over the summer, and it makes me sad. He sighs and asks to see Neil Young again.

Christopher arrives outside in a Volvo. Rory runs outside to greet him and Christopher stops her, reminding her that a lady never runs outside to meet a gentleman caller unless he has been announced. Rory teases that they have yet to tame her wild ways. Lorelai is there, and once everyone hugs, Lorelai instantly starts teasing Christopher about the car. Christopher says he needed more space since he had something big to haul. He goes into the trunk and pulls out the dictionary he couldn't afford to buy Rory last season. He apologizes that it took so long, but Rory's just as happy. He says that this is the latest, and if he had bought her that old one it wouldn't have had the word "jiggy" in it. Hee. Rory thanks him and runs off to look things up. He stops her and hands her what looks like a paperweight magnifying glass. Rory thanks him again, goes into full overbite mode, and runs off. Lorelai is smitten. Christopher reminds her that she was mocking the car. She goes back to mocking the car, saying that he's going to go to Bingo now. Christopher says he needed something to get to and from work. Again, Lorelai is amazed. Christopher says it took a while, and once he stopped confusing the word "work" for "nap," he got it all figured out. Lorelai asks about the job, and Christopher basically says he shows up, schmoozes Linda from Marketing at the water cooler, doesn't leave until the day is over, and then they pay him for sitting there. Christopher tells Lorelai to get in the car. She says she's not supposed to ride around in cars with strange boys. She makes him promise not to drive more than twenty-five miles an hour on the motorway. Lorelai gets in the car and Christopher starts blasting heavy metal on the car's stereo. Lorelai makes a lame joke about the sound system and then realizes that the hard-core boy is still inside Christopher as Rory runs over and tells them in fifty-cent words to turn the music down. Lor-e-lai's in luh-uve!

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Gilmore Girls




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