Gilmore Girls
Presenting Lorelai Gilmore

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
Balls. But Not In That Funny Way.

Emily is entertaining fancy ladies. Emily has another new maid, and admits that Liesl only made it through one evening. The fancy ladies all giggle as one asks what Emily does to those poor women. Emily says it's just the usual: "Clean this. Cook that. Sacrifice a virgin on your way out." All of the fancy ladies do the appropriate amount of mock shock and mew that they do so miss Emily at all of their functions because they've just been so terribly dull without her. Yes. Mmm. I'm typing this paragraph with my pinkies in the air. Yes. One fancy lady tells Emily that at the last dreadful ball it was so remarkably boring that she felt her shoes going out of style as she sat there. Yes. Mmm. Then they all fill Emily in on the latest gossip about Truly Bishop (which must be a name taken from Kelly Bishop's family). She had a giant fight at some event that Emily didn't attend (the Schaffers' cocktail party, where they broke up in full view of everyone) with her husband; Truly found out that her husband was having an affair when the stupid tart sent Truly a letter. Can you imagine? It was simply madness! She's twenty-six with a two-year-old! They all roll their eyes and smear their lips across their faces so you can't tell that they still have collagen implants, which are so last millennium. Yes. Mmm. Truly threw an ice sculpture at her husband Eugene's head, right there in front of all of them. Emily says she can't believe she missed that, and the fancy ladies moan that Emily's missed so many things lately. Emily says that Richard is busy and he has a bad back and some bad knees and other bad things that keep him from allowing them to be seen in public. Yes. Mmm.

Enter Rory. The fancy ladies all coo over how nice Rory looks and how pretty and smart she is. They open Rory's mouth and inspect her teeth as Emily brags on about her. The fancy ladies remark that Rory looks just like Lorelai. They ask Rory to walk around a bit so they can see whether she has Lorelai's walk. Lorelai had a fast walk, they comment. Emily tells Rory to sit and have some tea. Rory says she's just there to pick up a book from Grampa. Emily tells her to check the study as Rory twirls out of the room. The fancy ladies ask Emily how old Rory is. She's sixteen, Emily announces, so you people stop emailing me asking how old she is and how she's driving a Jeep and when she had her sweet sixteen and when she's taking her SATs and her PSATs. The fancy ladies ask whether Rory's had her cotillion yet. The Daughters of the Daughters of the American Revolution are having a debutante ball next week, and they're sure they'd make an exception for Emily Gilmore if she wanted her granddaughter to be presented on such short notice. The fancy ladies tell Emily she'll be the hit of the ball "with a girl like that." She'll be the prettiest one there. "Except for Katie Heathington," one fancy lady notes. "No, didn't you hear?" another fancy lady interrupts. "Katie Heathington fell off her horse; has a scab on her face." The blonde fancy lady replies, "Well then, if Katie Heathington has a scab on her face, Rory would definitely be the prettiest one there." That's my favorite line of this episode. "It'll be your crowning moment," the other fancy lady tells Emily. Rory walks back onto the patio, announcing that she found her book, and finds all of the fancy ladies staring at her. Rory gets creeped out and celebrates her book-finding with a tiny "Yay."

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Gilmore Girls




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