Gilmore Girls
Nick & Nora/Sid & Nancy

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There's a New Boy in Town

Yay for Amy Sherman-Palladino back behind the keyboard. Yay for funny moments and good timing and happy Gilmore Girls again. I know this was much better than the past few weeks because people stayed in the room to watch it with me instead of whining that the show sucks now. Boys stayed in the room and nodded and said, "It's good again." Boys. It's not like me forcing people to watch Ally McBeal, which is the most cliched thing I can imagine a girl forcing a boy to watch. This is me watching my girly family show and boys wanting to watch it, too. That's why Amy S.-P. is a good writer. That's what makes me happy. That's what makes me want to write for television. Yay, for my show coming back.

We open at Luke's. Rory watches Lorelai eat eggs. Rory's in her Chilton uniform and she's very impatient because it's the first day of school and she wants to get there early and Lorelai's wasting time with her slow egg-eating. I know what Rory's going through. Whenever I missed the bus and had to have my parents take me to school they'd always be so slow and I'd end up missing at least a class and a half and I hated that. Yes, I was a big geek in high school, okay? My first class was English. I liked my English class. Mr. Petras was a very good teacher and was the first teacher who encouraged my writing, okay? Get off my case. In any event, now I know it was pretty cool that all I had to do was miss the bus and every other time it happened my mom would say I could just stay home and she'd write me a note. Mom just didn't want to have to wake up and drive me to school. If I were a less determined kid, I could have racked up the sick days. What did all of that studying and near-perfect attendance get me, anyway? I just misspelled "attendance," by the way. And I just did it again. Pitiful. Oh, right. Back to the show that's not about me, already in progress. Lorelai promises she'll get Rory to school early. Rory reminds Lorelai that she has different classes this year and she doesn't know where they will all be so she hasn't mapped out the quickest route around them yet. And her locker will be different this year and she doesn't know where it is or if it even works and if it's broken she'll have to spend the entire morning tending to that matter. "That could send the whole day into chaos," Rory finishes. "I'm just excited," she adds.

Lane walks into the diner at this point and says she's glad Rory hasn't left for school yet: "I found the greatest record store in the world ten minutes from your school and I'm wondering how much you love me." Rory gets out a notebook to write down Lane's wish list. It's called Record Breaker, Inc. on 2453 Berlin Turnpike. It's here if you want to go. Hey, who's the busboy working for Luke? Why hasn't the busboy angle been explored? Lane pulls out her Mojo Collection and starts ordering. Her list includes Tour the Sonics, Mc5, and the Bee Gees, because Mojo says. Lane laughs and gleefully announces that she's almost done with the '60s. Rory promises to go today or tomorrow at the latest as a pack of Boy Scouts march into Luke's, led by Taylor, who has to go by "Taylor" in this scene because he's not wearing his cardigan. I can't believe he's not wearing a cardigan over his uniform. Lorelai stands up and Rory shouts, "Hey!" Lorelai turns back around and says she's just getting a donut and once she's done she'll take Rory to school and "the nice men in the white coats will pick [her] up." Taylor has the Boy Scouts lined up. He tells them to wait in line, order, and then move to the back of the line. The boy in the front of the line asks for a burger. The boy behind him wants grilled cheese. Another boy wants grilled cheese and fries. The boy in front of him wants crispy fries. The boy at the front of the line wants his fries crispy, too. Luke tells the boy he can't have crispy fries since he didn't order fries. The boy asks why he can't. Luke says that the boy didn't order fries and so he can't make them crispy because you can't make something crispy that doesn't exist. "Why not?" the boy asks again and Luke warns Taylor to get the kid away from him. Taylor boasts that this diverse group of Boy Scouts just completed the first leg of their Outdoor Survival Training, and that Luke should show them more respect. Luke isn't impressed with that first leg, which mostly involves "sitting under a tree, gluing rocks together for two hours." Taylor calls Luke "jaded" and wonders aloud what happened to Luke as a child. Luke tells him that some creepy guy in shorts and knee socks forced him to sit under a tree and glue rocks together for hours. Luke tells one of the Boy Scouts to put down the donut display top. "Why?" he asks. Luke says he'll put the kid inside of it. The kid says he won't fit in there. Luke promises that the kid will. Lorelai interrupts here and asks for some donuts. The Boy Scout Line Leader announces that they were there first. Lorelai says she was on the planet first and therefore the boys lose and she gets her donuts. She Gets Her Donuts is the name of my second Elvis Costello tribute album.

The phone starts ringing and everyone moans as Luke goes to answer it. Luke has a conversation that sounds like there's nobody on the other end of the phone as Lorelai walks around the counter and starts serving herself some donuts. One of the kids tugs on Taylor's shirt and points at Lorelai, saying, "She's not supposed to do that." Taylor says that the kid is right and that Lorelai is "breaking the rules." "And people who break the rules end up very lonely with no friends" -- and no husband (wha? who said that?) -- "because they have become society's outcasts." Lorelai asks Taylor whether he plans on burning some Huck Finn after lunch. Luke starts screaming at the person on the other end of the phone: "You won't ever change, will you?" He hangs up and asks whether Lorelai has a sister. Lorelai says she doesn't. "I do!" says the Line Leader. "You have my sympathies," Luke says. "Thanks, I appreciate that," says the kid. Hee. Opening credits. See? It's all good and back and happy. Look how much I wrote already.

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