Gilmore Girls
Love And War And Snow

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B+ | 2 USERS: A+
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Love And War And Snow

"Yeah."

"Ohhhhhh."

"Yeah, it's gonna suck."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Suck hard, St. Clare. Painful reality television with glitter."

"Yeah, sorry I yelled. Pass me that bowl of Doritos."

"You got it."

"And hands off Mustang Max. He's all mine."

"You can have him. He's creepy."

"No way."

"He totally is!"

"No! At least I'm not a pedophile."

"You shut up! CuteDean is the best!"

"You're so ridiculous."

"You're the ridiculous."

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Did you see my nails?"

"CUTE!"

"I KNOW!"

Lorelai walks into the Independence Inn and announces that it is now snowing. She walks over to Michel and tells him to make a wish on the first snowfall of the season. "Get away from me," he drones. "Oh, you're not supposed to say it out loud." As Michel answers the phone, Lorelai gets all distant and starts talking about how the snow changes the world and softens it. Michel hands Lorelai the phone. "It's your mother." "And then the rain comes," says Lorelai.

Emily tells Lorelai that a bad storm is on the way and that it's already hit where she lives. Lorelai says she'll get the ark if Emily grabs the animals. Emily says she's sent a driver for Rory because there's black ice and dangerous roads out there. She asks when Lorelai will be there. Lorelai makes a joke about not being Wonder Woman and that she doesn't know if she'll be able to make it. She says that if it's as bad as Emily says it is, then she probably won't go. Emily says that Rory should probably spend the night. She starts to talk about what should happen if the weather is still bad tomorrow, but Lorelai interrupts to say that they should see what the weather is before Emily "fills out a change of address card." Rory walks in and Emily puts her on the phone. Rory tells Lorelai that saddle shoes aren't the best for this kind of weather. "Oh, you fell," Lorelai moans. "Twice," Rory confirms. Lorelai tells Rory that she's not going to be able to come out tonight, and Rory reschedules their snow date for the next night.

Back to the "Townie Humor" subplot. Luke watches the re-enactors approach their places in full battle gear. He walks up to the mayor and begs him to put a stop to this. The mayor points out that Luke's father was a re-enactor, and that Luke should have some respect. Luke says that he thought his father was crazy also. As the re-enactors walk away, Lorelai giggles and walks up. "There goes the police chief, the fire chief, and the one paramedic with a legal license. I feel safe, don't you?" Luke and Lorelai go back and forth on whether or not tradition is nice in this "I hate things"/"I think things are nice" banter that has already been written before on lots of Christmas specials. Lorelai explains her love of snow: she says that when she was five she had a bad ear infection that kept her in bed for a week so she wished really hard that something wonderful would happen and the next morning it snowed. So whenever she sees snow, she thinks it's a gift for her. This snow in Stars Hollow is pretty cool, though. It's really thick and sticks to hair but nothing else, and it doesn't make the air all cold like regular snow does, so everyone wears nice coats and hats, but it's warm enough that they can all stand around and chit-chat without having to see their own breath or dance around to keep warm. The ground is a bit wet, but not enough that cars are swerving around. No one's face is red or chapped and makeup stays pretty darn perfect. Yeah, I can see why Lorelai loves it when it snows in Stars Hollow. Luke tells Lorelai that his father used to be a re-enactor and that he had his own musket, with which he was buried. The camera cuts over to the re-enactors taking their places for a photo. Those guys are magical too: they are standing in the only place where snow has collected on the ground in Stars Hollow. Luke asks if Lorelai wants to come into the diner for some coffee. She says she'd rather walk around: "Enjoy my present a little." Whatever. Luke watches Lorelai walk off and sighs. Lorelai officially went off the cute chart and into the crazy-girl chart on that last scene, by the way.

A band boy runs towards a group of band kids, and from the look on Lane's face, we must know this blonde mophead is Rich. The band director is yelling at everyone to get into formation. I think the band director might be Miles from Murphy Brown. He tells everyone to get their instruments ready but to not actually put any flutes or metal instruments to their mouths until they are inside. Lane watches Rich pull his instrument out. Shut up, all of you dirty-minded ones. She's just watching him get ready. For practice. It's band. Quit being gross. Lane starts to pant, and raises her hand up to her chest. She puts her hand out and brushes back some of Rich's hair as he looks down the street. She sighs and smiles. Rich flips his head towards her in a "what are you doing?" face. Lane jumps back and loses her smile. "Oh!" she says, coming back to the current world. And Lane does what any respectable teen girl does after accidentally touching a boy's hair who she loves more than anything else in the world but doesn't know she really exists: she runs. She runs as fast as she can, bumping into everyone around her. And everyone laughs, even though they didn't see what she just did because they were all having their own conversations, but they know to laugh when someone's running away as fast as she can. Lane runs and runs and runs. One time when I liked a boy who didn't know I existed I thought I had the perfect plan to get him to notice me. I waited until I knew he was already on the bus (yes, it was a bus crush. Shut up) and I got on the bus with all of my books piled on top of each other (because I thought showing off my smarts would woo my skater boy). I thought I'd brush by him and sit in the seat opposite him, but take a real long time getting all of those books set in the right place and just have my ass right near his arm for a while. Yeah, I thought I'd get him to notice my ass first. I don't know, it seemed perfect when I was fifteen. So, I got on the bus with all of my books, but there was this really big line in front of me to get to my seat, so I ended up standing there, holding all of these books, just staring at him, imagining our life together, imagining him holding my hand and laughing, imagining us landing perfect rail slides together on our boards, just the coolest skate couple in the world. I hadn't noticed that the line had completely disappeared in front of me. I had noticed that he also was making eye contact with me. Just looking up and away, up and away. I kept dreaming and noticing, dreaming and noticing. And then he looked at me. He inhaled. "WHAT? What is your problem?" he shouted at me. I was creeping him out. Mortified, I jumped in the air, stammered, "Nothing! Gah!" and started to haul ass to my seat, tripped on the leg of the bus seat instead, and landed my Latin book into his crotch. He yelled in pain, I freaked out and dropped all of the other books around me and him. I hit my head on the bus seat trying to get one of the books, and one of the folders opened up and paper went flying to the back of the bus. The bus driver was yelling at me. Others were laughing. All in the space of like, fifteen seconds I had become a complete ass. Run, Lane. Run.

Lorelai walks through the snow and slows down when she sees a broken-down Mustang at the gas station. She sees Max. She's squinty and smiley. Max sees her. He smiles. Lorelai cocks her head and continues smiling. Max cocks his head and continues smiling. "I smell snow," Lorelai says to the sky. We pan up from her smile and fade to commercial.

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