Gilmore Girls
Lorelai's First Cotillion

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: C+ | 2 USERS: A+
You Can Dance If You Want To

...where Rory is reading up on how to be sexy while Lane peruses a book on how to be pregnant. Both of them are alarmed and disgusted by what they've found. "I can't write this stuff to Logan," Rory says. "I can barely read it to myself!" Lane, even more upset, says that no one ever tells you the details about childbirth "because the details are gross and scary and unacceptable." Lane says that apparently, in about three months, she can look forward to dark spots on her face, "because it's not enough to just get fat." Rory tries to reassure her, saying that it's not fat, it's a baby, but Lane rants on. She used to be all into the fact that Zach is big and manly: "Which means that I'm gonna have a big, manly baby, and I'm a small woman!" Rory gives Lane a quizzical look: "I never thought of Zach as big and manly." Lane says that compared to Henry Lee, who her mother wanted her to marry, Zach is. "Yeah," Rory says, "but he was your second cousin. I think you would have had other problems with those babies." Lane says that the baby will have to figure out some other way to be born, because she's not doing it. Plus, she says, Zach doesn't seem to remember hearing about the baby at all: "I don't know how things get lost in the recesses of Zach's brain, but I think he forgot." I am pretty sure he forgot because he does nothing but sit around smoking bowls all day. There, I said it.

Rory tries to distract Lane from her frustration by reading aloud a passage from Henry Miller: "'Where is the chair you sit in? Where is your favorite comb, your toothbrush, your nail file? Trot them out that I may devour them at one gulp.'" Now it's Lane's turn to look quizzical: "You want to eat his toothbrush?"Haaa! Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Rory says it's supposed to be metaphorical -- that she's trying to convey how she misses Logan. "Sounds like you miss his toiletry kit," Lane says. Poor Rory. "It's supposed to be evocative," Rory insists. "It's Henry Miller." Lane says that Henry Miller has way better stuff than that: "That is not why they banned his books." Rory says that she's certainly not going to write the part about hands groping for burning flesh! Why the hell not, girlie?! What is wrong with you? You slept with a married guy and then had sex with this one in your Grandma's pool house! Burning flesh it is! Lane agrees: "That's way hotter than the 'eating his comb' stuff." Exactly. Rory says that though she and Logan talk every day, she's not sure it will be enough keep the relationship going without any physical intimacy. She gets more and more upset about it as she talks, and finally grabs up her phone, typing furiously. "Desperate measures," she says. Lane nods her support: "Burn that flesh, sister." Rory sends off the text, cringing, and gets an immediate ring back. Except,'s her dad asking her to dinner the next night. Blargh. Yeah, Christopher makes my flesh burn, as well -- except in, like, a rashy way.

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Gilmore Girls




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