Gilmore Girls
Kill Me Now

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | 5 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
My Grampa and me, like to climb up a tree...

DTM: "Now, disaster list. What if it rains?" Lorelai: "We'll put up tents." DTM: "What if it's too windy?" Lorelai: "Well, then we'll secure everything and put extra hairspray in everybody's hair." DTM: "Too hot?" "We'll use umbrellas and fans that won't cause any damage because of the things that have been secured and the hairspray that has been sprayed." DTM says there must be something she should worry about. Lorelai says there's nothing for her to worry about. She sends DTM upstairs for a bath and tells her she'll send up a masseuse "that bears a remarkable resemblance to Antonio Banderas." "How remarkable?" "Get ready to applaud." DTM says this is her favorite place in the whole world.

Back in the lobby, Michel hands out gift baskets as Lorelai asks a clerk to send up the masseuse in twenty minutes. Lorelai asks Michel if there are any problems. "With the wedding or my life?" "One guess, and I'll give you a hint. It's not your life." The wedding is going just fine. Lorelai asks if Rory has called. She hasn't. Lorelai starts to tell Michel about the past fifteen minutes of the episode, but stops herself to say that Michel doesn't care at all. "To me you are the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoon," he says. Hee. Lorelai wonders where the grooms are. Just as they're speculating that perhaps the grooms made a run for it, Michel stares off into space and slowly Frenches, "Oh. Dear." Two men stand at the top of the lobby. "Wow," Lorelai whispers. "Are those...?" Michel begins. "No," Lorelai whispers again. "That'd be too..." The twins, in tennis clothes, run up to the men in suits and they hug. Two sets of twins. Getting married. "Weird," Lorelai finishes whispering. "You kept this from me on purpose," Michel drones. "It's like a really snooty Doublemint commercial," Lorelai says. Michel walks away with a, "Just let me know when the midgets and clowns arrive." Me too, Michel. Lorelai stops him and says he has to get them all settled in. He says he's not talking to them. She says he is. "Well, I'm not talking to them nicely."

Grampa and Emily argue about Rory being late for the club and what Grampa is wearing. Grampa says that Rory would probably rather be at the mall. Emily plans the rest of their day as Grampa says he's just going to teach her how to golf, but he isn't planning on doing anything else with her. Rory's doorbell interrupts their argument. Emily tells him to show off their granddaughter to the club. She informs him that it will mean quite a bit to his happiness to obey her. Everyone is all smiles when Rory walks in. Rory asks if she looks okay for the club. Emily adds a crochet tam and hands her a bag of clubs. Rory and Grampa look just like my sister and I must have the time my mother woke us up at seven in the morning on a Saturday in this gigantic menopausal rage and screamed that we were going to the beach with my friends and we were going "to have a good goddamn time, goddammit!" As we sniffed and sobbed down the street, dangling our swimsuits through the dirt, we cursed our mother for making us go outside and have fun. Three minutes after we arrived at my friend's house, Mom called us on the phone all smiles and tears, telling us to be careful and "be good." My sister got stung by a jellyfish on that trip. I don't think she's ever forgiven my mother. Emily closes the door behind Rory and Grampa, looks around her house, and gives a giant self-satisfied sigh. Silent fade to commercial.

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Gilmore Girls

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