Gilmore Girls
Emily Says Hello

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The Blame Game

Lorelai cuts to the chase and asks her mother if she's getting back together with Richard. "Absolutely not," Emily says. Lorelai: "Okay. Got any peanuts?" Emily says that Richard has proven to her once and for all that he's moved on with his life. Lorelai thinks that if Emily's theory were true, part of Richard's moving on would have included moving out of the house. There's a rush at the coffee shop right now, and it's so crowded where we are that currently there's a woman leaning over me, pulling those free postcards out from the display over my shoulder. Seriously, her stomach is leaning on my laptop. Los Angeles has no boundaries, people. It doesn't matter as long as you're getting what you want. It's a Gilmore paradise in this town. Emily tells Lorelai about a recent dinner function she and Richard both attended, where Richard buttered his own roll without offering any to Emily, forcing her to reach for the butter herself. Making a woman do something for herself? Why not make her cook or clean or wear an outfit twice, why don't you? Jesus, how is she supposed to be fabulous if you keep making her live her life like anyone else in the world? Why am I so bitter? I don't know what it is about these characters, but they've really gotten snobby in the past year, from the coupon hate to the constantly lifted pinkie. Something about all the Yale and money. Where's Rory's trust fund from Trix, anyway? Doesn't Lorelai owe Luke thousands and thousands of dollars? Now everybody's got so much money that they can complain about the help, rag on Marty for having a summer job, and spend all of their time concerning themselves with their sex lives. I blame Desperate Housewives.

Lorelai tells Emily that she's sorry. Emily admits it's very sad. She says she knows that Richard has moved on, so now she has to move on. "Absolutely," Lorelai says. "Move on dot org." Emily gives only the briefest of confused glances before announcing that it's time for her to date. Cue the spit take. Lorelai: "Oh my God!" Emily: "I wanna go on a date." Lorelai: "With a man?" Emily tried this already. It freaked her out. Lorelai doesn't want to hear any of this, and asks for a paper towel and a Valium. I hear you, Lorelai. When my mom started talking about dating again, there weren't enough drugs in the world to numb the pain. Emily says that there are many men at the club who have expressed their interests, but that she doesn't know how to reciprocate. She says that Lorelai has a lot of experience with men (Dirty!), and asks how her daughter lets someone know she's interested. Lorelai says that one of those bench ads helps, and then suggests that Emily start with the word "Hello." Emily worries that "hello" is too forward. My mom thought it was poor form to "call a boy," meaning calling the man she was seeing when she was wondering how he was doing. "Nice girls don't call boys," she told me. "Jeez, Ma," I said. "No wonder you guys got married so young. You had to marry the first one who called you back or you'd spend the rest of your lives by the telephone." Again, I feel like I've told that story before. This entire day has a strange déjà-vu to it.

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Gilmore Girls

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