Gilmore Girls
Emily Says Hello

Episode Report Card
Pamie: A | Grade It Now!
The Blame Game

Lorelai is begrudgingly having her dinner with Emily. She's all pouty face and crossed arms. Lorelai hates being in a family. Emily is grumbling because she can't figure out how to make a proper drink. Jesus, these people are pampered, aren't they? Nobody knows how to cook or make a drink. They're used to being waited on hand and foot by servants or Luke or the Yale cafeteria, and when left on their own they resemble Sims. Whining and moaning, peeing on the couch, whimpering that they're bored and hungry. Makes me want to put something heavy in front of the door and watch them starve to death. Lorelai apologizes for changing up their weekly plans. "Oh, please," Emily says. "I'm as flexible as the next person." If the next person is our president. What? I said it. It's really difficult to recap the rest of this scene because Lorelai's shirt has fallen down and you can see her bra and, like, the swell of boobie, and it has turned me into a thirteen-year-old boy. What did one bee say to the other bee? "Boo bee!" I'M AWESOME. Emily worries that her ice might be old. I'm not sure how ice can turn old. And then she says a saying I've never heard of, about fresh ice, and BOOBIES! Emily decides they'll have Scotch neat, which is how I'd like it right now at this coffee shop. Emily says she can't give Lorelai wine, because it all has to breathe. That's okay. Lorelai comes with her own whine, one that barely has to breathe at all. She can do that thing trumpet players do, inhaling through her nose while whining through her mouth. Dude. Grand Theft Auto just walked into the coffee shop and they're standing right next to me. The smell of leather jackets and Drakkar Noir is so strong I don't know whether to cap their asses or write them a love note I fold into an intricate origami swan. Will you buy me a latte? Circle yes or no. And since I'm recapping my surroundings instead of this television show, I'd like to mention that the man sitting across from me (the one sitting behind Djb) is wearing a shirt with a gigantic food stain across the front, in the pattern of a three fingers swiped across his chest. And he's sitting there with his wife, typing on his computer. Now. I might be wearing basically pajamas, haven't brushed my hair, and look so grubby that the coffee girl told me to "have a good study," but my clothes aren't covered in peanut butter. I don't think.... Lorelai thinks it's weird that she and Emily are both sitting on the sofa instead of sitting across from each other as they usually do. I think it's weird that we can't hear that constant Muzak that pipes through Emily's walls like Prozac. Emily asks why they're split up. Lorelai says they wanted to get quality couch time. Emily thinks it's silly, since they had a great system worked out for the rest of the season. No, not so much. Read the forum, Emily.

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Gilmore Girls




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