Gilmore Girls
Driving Miss Gilmore

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C'mon Baby, Drive My Car

Y'all, seriously, one thing I am not going to miss when this season is over is having to watch these One Tree Hill commercials. Now there is a show that needs some pitiless recapping. I don't know why I have such a hate-on for Chad Michael Murray, but I really do. If Logan had a Mr. Hyde, it'd be that dude. Take one look at his monkey head and three o'clock shadow and tell me I'm wrong.

Back from commercials, the Troubadour is jangling out a nice cover of "Me And Julio," on the sidewalk. Inside, Luke comes to Kirk's table to take his order. Kirk, however, is more interested in talking about his beard, which he is growing out. Kirk says that he often finds himself rubbing his chin in a ponderous way. Luke ain't in the mood, and says that he'll come back later. Through the door comes Liz, who has apparently been off at some renaissance faire or another, selling jewelry by the handful. "I've got all this money now," she says, "but I got no idea what to do with it. Not a clue." Luke suggests putting it in a bank. Liz has got bigger news than her sales success, though. She's pregnant. Luke is thrilled. She is very happy and says she's going to do all the healthy things this time that she didn't do when she was pregnant with Jess. "Like," for example, "not binge-drink." That explains a lot. Luke says that T.J. must be really excited and asks where he is. "Oh, he's gone," Liz says, all casual. "Gone, the big Gone, out of my life." Luke, who should close the diner and hire a brass band to celebrate this news, instead gets very upset: "T.J. can't be gone. He's your husband!" Liz shrugs: "Since when has that kept guys from leaving?" Luke -- not smelling the irony about getting mad over a man mistreating the woman he loves -- gets furious. Liz tells Luke that he's getting mad over nothing, and that she needs him to stay calm. "It's all good, really," she says. "Really."

Logan wakes up in his apartment to the dulcet tones of Paris reciting all the portions of the male reproductive tract. He asks what she's doing. "Boning up," she says, "pardon the pun. Got my MCATs coming up." Paris says that Rory stationed her there to look after him. "It's necessary," Paris says. "You seem like the kind of lunkhead who would get up too soon and inadvertantly push a broken rib bone into his spleen." Which is what my brother -- who I mentioned in the last recap once sustained injuries scarily similar to Logan's -- did. And now, as a result, he is spleenless. Don't jump off cliffs or get into carwrecks, readers. I know I'm like a one-woman PSA, but your spleen and like, knee cartilage? That stuff comes in handy in your day-to-day life. Ahem, anyway, Logan is equally disturbed to find that Doyle is also in the apartment, watching the Penguin movie. Rolling his eyes, Logan attempts to stand up to walk to his bathroom. Paris, however, immediately puts on the kibosh, saying that Rory said he was not to get up, and Paris intends to follow orders. Logan asks what she suggests as an alternative, because he really has to pee, and she goes off in search of Tupperware to use as a homemade bedpan. Ewwww.

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Gilmore Girls

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